Wondering if we should have kids...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 35-year old woman and have been married for seven years. My husband works abroad and usually spends two months with me before flying off again. This arrangement has worked with us from the start because it's what he used to do even when we were dating. We don't have any problems with it because I have a huge support system and my in-laws live nearby, too. He recently spoke about starting a family though, which is when I began to have a few doubts about whether this is the best environment to raise a child in. How can a child deal with meeting one parent just one or two times a year? How will I be able to explain this, and will there be any damage to how the child is raised? My husband thinks this isn't an issue, but I will be the one doing most of the parenting, so I am genuinely concerned. Our families think I am being unnecessarily worried. What should I do?
Try and isolate the source of your concern. If it is an absent parent with a valid reason, this is just going to be normal for a child who grows into this environment the way you adjusted while dating. The presence of a support system is critical because that's what you need most in the early years as a parent, until your child is more self-sufficient. The physical presence or absence of your husband may require a bit of coping, but the most important thing for you both is to consider the commitment of what it means to be parents. A child can have both parents in the same home and still feel neglected, which is the only thing you should be concerned about. If you and your husband believe you would like to start a family and are willing to make a few compromises to ensure this child is raised with kindness and love, that really is all that matters. Everything else just involves a few adjustments.

The inbox is now open to take your most carnal and amorous queries. Send your questions on email to lovedoc@mid-day.com