I can’t help stalking my ex!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 29-year-old woman and was dumped by my boyfriend around six months ago. We were together for two years and the end came as a surprise to me because we hadn't discussed anything, and I didn't even know we had problems. This has taken me a long time to process and get used to, and I keep stalking him on social media to see how casually he has moved on. Part of me wants to block him forever because I know he isn't suffering at all, but part of me also feels as if I have to stay in touch just so he knows that I will one day be okay and find someone who genuinely cares about me. This sounds petty but I think it helps me cope. Is this a healthy way of dealing with what has happened?
There is no right or wrong way when it comes to dealing with the grief of any relationship ending. If what you want to do sounds petty, but helps you get through this pain, accept it as part of the process. It's impossible to assume what another person is going through in such a situation, but you have every right to draw your own boundaries depending on what you believe is good or bad for your mental health. If stalking your ex takes up an unnatural amount of time, and prevents you from focusing on more positive things, work on curtailing that behaviour. Self-awareness will help a lot, along with the knowledge that this anger will fade. When that happens, your need to declare freedom from him may not seem as important.

Is it okay to fall in love with a married person if I know they will not leave their bad marriage?
There are legal implications to consider but, more importantly, this is about asking yourself what you hope to achieve by trying to be with someone who will not be present in any meaningful way.

The inbox is now open to take your most carnal and amorous queries. Send your questions on email to lovedoc@mid-day.com