We don’t agree on a lot of things...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My girlfriend and I have been considering moving in together, but she doesn't seem to agree on a lot of things that are important to me. She doesn't like pets, for example, and I have two cats. She wants me to consider giving them up if we live together, which I will never do because the thought horrifies me. There are also other things that we don't see eye to eye on, which upsets me because I don't know how any relationship can work without compromises on both sides. I know she does try to accommodate my wishes, and I try looking at things from her point of view too, but I often wonder if this will work if we have so many differences. We don't argue a lot, but we have strong opinions, and this causes a lot of friction between us. Should I just agree to move in, and hope things will settle down in their own time?
You can't assume issues will disappear magically without putting in the work required to address them. Anyone who says a relationship is easy to manage without constant communication and a series of compromises is either incredibly lucky or somewhat delusional. You and your girlfriend may have differences, some of which may seem trivial and others that may seem insurmountable, but you have to keep in mind why you are both choosing to try and make this work. What binds you together, what makes you want to be with each other, and what you both hope for the future is all that matters. There will be anger, resentment, or disappointments on both sides when it comes to making adjustments. With time, however, you will both arrive at a better understanding of who you are and what you expect from each other. This may happen before, or after you move in. It is important to talk about whether you are both prepared to work towards it before you actually move in through.

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