He says I am too dominating!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My boyfriend says I am too dominating and feels as if he has to constantly take it because pushing back will make him seem like a macho person. I agree with him to some extent because I have always been aggressive. I have two older brothers and am the only girl in the family, so I have never really thought about how I come across to other men. I want to be more submissive, or at least softer, because I would hate to become the kind of person who frightens anyone away. What should I do?
Your boyfriend is entitled to his opinion, but your decision to try and change who you are should depend upon more than the possibility of frightening men away. Ask for clarity first, to understand things from his perspective, and identify when this aggression makes its presence felt. Think about whether an act is genuinely aggressive or being misinterpreted as such. Lastly, ask yourself if trying to be submissive, or something you're not, is justified. We may not match up to everyone's idea of who we need to be, but that isn't a bad thing. Talk about this more before you try and force yourself to behave differently.

I used to have a crush on a guy who rejected me and asked my friend out instead. They have been dating for two months, and he recently messaged to say he was wrong and had misjudged me entirely. He says he can't be with my friend and has asked me out. Should I agree to see him?
You can always meet for coffee and understand what he misjudged about you, but that depends upon whether you still want to consider any kind of relationship with this person. Your friend is involved too, and asking for her opinion may serve you well because she may have insights about what this guy is really like. It's okay for people to make mistakes, obviously, but you are under no obligation to do anything you're not comfortable with.

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