I feel pressured into marriage...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 30-year-old guy and have been engaged to my fiancé who is two years younger, for a year-and-a-half now. There is some pressure on us, from both our families, to marry as soon as possible. I am not okay with it because I want to save enough money for a deposit on an apartment. My fiancé thinks we should marry first and then work on this, but she doesn't earn as much as I do, and her solution only makes things harder because I will save even less if I am working to manage two people in a household. Our parents aren't that well off so we can't borrow money, which leaves me with no choice but to wait for at least another year. My fiancé is saying she can't wait that long and may break off the engagement if I don't marry within six months. We love each other a lot, but I can't make such a decision if I feel as if I am not being given a choice. What should I do?
Your concerns are valid, as is her decision to not wait any longer. You have both stated your positions but, the thing that matters most, is whether you are willing to make a lifelong commitment with complete acceptance. Loving someone is great, and financial issues can be resolved over time, but what you say about not being given a choice is troubling because it may lead to resentment if your financial goals aren't being met when you want them to. Why not lay out an articulate plan of what you want to do, what your timelines and milestones are, and whether you can bring forward that date a little. If you can both make minor adjustments to your expectations, and keep the big picture in mind, this can be worked out. You should also have a conversation reminding yourselves about why you want to be with each other, and what compelled you to want to get married.

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