Why do I find it so hard to date?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have been trying to date people for three years and seem to have lost my confidence. I am 24, average good-looking, with a decent job, but I can't hold a conversation with anyone for too long. I don't know if this is because I don't watch a lot of movies or do things most people do, but it feels like there is nothing to say after the second date. This has happened repeatedly, so I don't think it's the people I meet as much as it is a problem I have to resolve. What should I do? I try and make notes of what I can talk about, but even that doesn't seem to work because my conversations sound forced.
You're putting a lot of pressure on yourself to be someone you are clearly not. If you have nothing to talk about, the onus of carrying on a conversation isn't on you alone. A lot of people struggle to communicate because there is an art to being able to converse, but the notion that everything has to be scintillating and witty isn't realistic. Sometimes, people just like to know what the other person is like, what they do in their spare time, or what their dreams for the future are like. Also, approaching these dates as the potential to meet interesting new people may make more sense than treating them as potential relationships. Don't be too hard on yourself and try enjoying the other person's presence instead of creating a list of tasks for every date. Your confidence may take a beating, but meeting someone who understands you a little better will change that feeling quickly.

Is it wrong of me to verbally abuse my boyfriend even though I love him a lot? I don't mean the things I say, and always feel bad about them later.
If you are ashamed of something you are doing, and believe it to be wrong, you should work on changing it. Speak to your boyfriend and explain what you mean.

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