Am I losing myself in this?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My boyfriend often asks me to do things I am not comfortable with, when we are being physically intimate. I have told him that I don't like it, but he says I am just being prudish and that we should be more open to new experiences. I agree and go along with his wishes only because I think he wants a long-term relationship with me and because I want to live the rest of my life with him. At the same time, on some days, I wonder if I am becoming more like someone he wants me to be and less the person I really am. If I marry him, will I lose my identity completely just to please him? I don't doubt our love, but I still want to hold on to what I like and dislike. How do I push back and tell him not to overwhelm me with his own desires or wants?
Holding on to your sense of who you are is hard when a partner wants to impose their own ideas of what you should be like. It's what makes this more important though, because a balanced relationship is about two people who are allowed to be themselves while trying to build something new together. If you are not comfortable doing something, and your partner isn't making changes to accommodate your wishes, this will start to become a one-sided relationship. It's okay to try and arrive at a compromise that makes you both feel as if you have tried. To ignore your own desires or wishes completely is a bad idea because it reinforces the idea that you are okay with placing his expectations above yours. Have a conversation about why this is affecting you, and avoid doing what you don't want to even if it leads to some displeasure. If you want a future together, setting boundaries is the best way to help you understand each other better. The sooner you begin this process, the easier it will be for you both.

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