He is not interested in truly connecting

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I want to change the nature of my relationship with my boyfriend, from one that is purely physical to one that helps us connect on a deeper level. The problem is he is too immature to understand what I am trying to accomplish. Whenever I try and talk about things that matter, he drifts away and only gets animated when our conversations switches to movies or sports. I don't mind talking to him about those things, but it often feels as if there is no substance here. I love him a lot which is why I want us to connect in a better way but nothing I say or do seems to make any difference to how he interacts with me. What should I do?
Have you tried asking him how he sees you and what he thinks of this relationship? It sometimes takes people a while to arrive at the same way of looking at things, including how they see each other. His immaturity may simply have to do with a matter of perspective, so asking questions about what he likes to talk about, why he avoids other topics, or what he wants from you, may help in several ways. Patience is also important, especially if you genuinely love him and want to be with him. Relationships can't be forced, so I suggest you tell him how you feel and what you want, then give him time to catch up. If nothing changes, it may be a sign that he just doesn't want the same things as you.

Should I end a relationship only because my partner is abusive towards people? He never says anything to me, but his behaviour bothers me, nonetheless.
Have you confronted him about this and told him why it bothers you? Treating you well is great, but not extending that courtesy and respect to others isn't a good sign. Tell him why this upsets you and why it may end up harming your relationship and see if he changes his approach.

The inbox is now open to take your most carnal and amorous queries. Send your questions on email to lovedoc@mid-day.com