Am I wrong to demand clarity?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My boyfriend is never very communicative and always tends to leave as quickly as possible after we are physically intimate. This makes me feel as if he just wants to have sex with me, which I know isn't true, but is still something he needs to address. Whenever I bring it up, he says I am giving it too much thought and that I should focus on the positive aspects of our relationship instead of blowing small things out of proportion. Is this a small thing? Am I causing us both harm by focusing on what I can ignore? I keep thinking that we should discuss it because ignoring any issue, even if it is small, means that we may someday ignore serious problems as well. Am I right or wrong?
You're right to discuss anything that bothers or upsets you, irrespective of whether your partner sees it this way. His directive about focusing on the positive rather than something he thinks is inconsequential, simply erases your feelings and perspective. It is insensitive as well as disrespectful and should be called out first. As for the issue itself, communication is critical before, during, and after physical intimacy because it helps two people strengthen their bond. Your boyfriend probably needs to understand why this is important not just for you, but for your future together. If he still dismisses it as a minor issue, he is probably not going to be very supportive when you need help with anything bigger.

I said yes to a guy's proposal but realised that I don't like him that way. I just agreed because all my friends are dating. How do I get out of this? He's a nice person so I don't want to come across as heartless and cruel.
Being honest is the only way out because he will probably be hurt despite your best efforts. You owe it to him though, as well as to yourself, because getting into any relationship on false pretences can only cause you both pain.

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