Why do I only find creeps online?!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

Online dating has been very difficult for me and has turned me into a nervous wreck because nine out of ten dates I have been on have been bad. I meet all kinds of guys online, they seem nice and normal, and end up being creepy or completely opposite in real life. I can't understand what I am doing wrong and have tried my best to ask as many questions as possible before agreeing to go out. It just doesn't work. I am convinced that there are just no nice people using these apps but can't think of any other way to meet new people in my city. The weird thing is, dating apps have always worked for my friends, and one of them is even getting married to a guy she met online two years ago. I don't know if it's something I'm doing, or if it's my inability to spot the wrong people. What should I do?
Have you considered trying to meet people the old-fashioned way, by asking friends to introduce you to people they think you might get along with, or by joining groups where like-minded people get together? These may sound boring, but they can help you get a more solid idea of who the people you're conversing with are like in real life, without worrying about how they behave on apps. Online dating, like anything that involves a virtual setting, allows people to pretend more than they usually do. This can help in some instances, for people who struggle with social anxiety for instance, but they also inadvertently lead to a letdown when an online persona simply can't match what someone is in real life. Your best bet is to keep meeting more people, accept that you may or may not enjoy a date with them, and hope that your ability to spot red flags improves each time. It's premature to write off apps as a whole just yet. Keep at it, try offline methods while you're at it, and be patient.

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