Was he flirting with someone?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I know I shouldn't have been checking my boyfriend's phone without his permission, but I did, and found some flirtatious messages to people I don't know. I assume they were female, but I didn't get a chance to check their names. I want to confront him, but he will know I looked at his phone and I am not sure if these were harmless conversations. I have been unusually doubtful of him for a while, not because he has done anything specific but because I once dated someone who repeatedly cheated on me for months. I don't want to be one of those suspicious people who can't trust anyone they're with which is why I'm trying to put this behind me but it's just nagging me. What should I do?
Trust is one of the most important aspects of any healthy relationship, and not having it means having to work towards building it. There is nothing wrong with asking your boyfriend to clarify what those messages meant, because the issue is whether he was being flirtatious with someone, not whether you looked at his phone without his permission. If it feels as if you crossed a personal boundary set by him, you can always apologise, but the onus of reassuring you is on him. It takes time to recover from a relationship where a partner has been unfaithful, which is why it is more important that you nip this in the bud. Your future with him, or with anyone else you choose to date going forward, depends on this.

My ex is always texting me about his problems, as if we are still together. I am patient only because I don't want to be a bad person, but I don't understand why he can't have this conversation with his girlfriend. Am I being unfair?
He is not in your life, and you don't have to do anything you don't want to. The sooner you say this clearly, the better.

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