I want to be with my friends, too

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 26-year-old guy and have been dating a girl my age for six months. We love spending time with each other, but I also miss spending time with friends the way I used to before I began this relationship. I want to tell my girlfriend about meeting my friends more often, but she gets upset whenever I bring it up because she thinks I'm telling her that I don't like being with her for too long. This isn't true at all; it's just that I have a different kind of relationship with my friends, and we talk about things that my girlfriend has no interest in. She doesn't seem to get it, so I have resigned myself to meeting my friends less often. They are annoyed with me about this and say that I have changed since I began dating. I feel as if I am stuck between the two of them and don't know what to do because I am the only one paying a price. Please help.
It is important for you to set boundaries and be clear about them even if they cause some pain, because trying to bend your will to make your girlfriend or your friends happy won't work beyond a point. The frustration you feel may someday tip over into anger, which can cause real harm to your relationship as well as your friendships. Relationships evolve when two people find a way of balancing their individual expectations from each other, which often takes time because every individual is different and has specific needs. Speak to your girlfriend as well as your friends, ask them for time to sort out this issue, and explain why it is causing you pain. If they understand that their behaviour is also damaging their relationship with you, they may be more patient and give you the space you need to resolve this. It doesn't have to be a problem if you can articulate how you feel and explain why you want something to change.

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