Long-distance isn’t working out

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have been in a relationship with someone for a year, which changed a few months ago into a long-distance thing after he moved to another city. Things have changed since this happened, and not always in a good way. He doesn't respond as often as he used to, and although I know this is expected given the circumstances, I don't want this to get worse. He acknowledges that this has happened too but wants some time to figure things out. We have spoken about improving communication, and I am willing to wait until he has settled in, but I sometimes have dark thoughts and feel as if he may end this because we are no longer in a physical relationship. Am I just being unnecessarily pessimistic, or is he giving me these hints about what we are moving towards in the future? What if I am just wasting my time on this person?
If he hasn't said anything specific, you are being pessimistic because you have no cause to think the worst. Adjusting to a long-distance relationship is hard, but not impossible, provided you are both committed to making it work. If you are willing to be patient, you should also give your partner the benefit of doubt until you have established ways and means of finding an approach that allows you to grow together. This may mean allocating specific times of every day for a quick chat, using messaging services or video calls, or even planning a trip together where you can meet each other half-way. Also, the best way to ease your mind when you have dark thoughts about the future, is to tell your partner what you're going through. If he doesn't know what's bothering you, he won't be able to help much, and this is precisely why open lines of communication are important. It's okay to be upset about this adjustment for a while but try and articulate what you would like to change and have those conversations with him whenever you can.

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