What am I doing and how do I know I need to change something about my approach or personality?
Illustration/Uday Mohite
How do I get a boyfriend? All my friends are dating but I just can’t seem to hold anyone’s interest after one or two dates. I am not bad-looking, and I have a lot of interests, but I don’t seem to be able to find someone who holds my attention which probably makes me seem more boring on dates than I actually am. I keep trying to make conversation, but it feels artificial. My friends think I am not trying hard enough but I have been on dating apps, asked people to introduce me to single guys, and have gone out with a lot of people because I like keeping any open mind about everyone. Nothing has worked and this has been going on for over a year. What am I doing and how do I know I need to change something about my approach or personality?
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You do yourself a disservice by assuming you’re at fault. Relationships take time and the kind of relationship you’re in is a lot more important than the fact of being in one. Your friends may be dating because they have found people they like spending time with. To use them as benchmarks for how you feel may not be the best approach because it eliminates your individuality. Think about why you want to be in a relationship, what kind of person you like chatting with, and try being more selective instead of meeting anyone and everyone. There’s nothing wrong with being open-minded, but if you can’t have conversations with the people you’re meeting, it’s probably because you haven’t met anyone you want to chat with yet. Take a step back, consider where and how you are meeting people, and try reaching out to circles with common interests. Also, try and enjoy the act of being with someone new instead of focusing on what a date is supposed to lead to. Sometimes, making new friends can be life-changing and lead to things you haven’t thought about. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
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