We have nothing at all in common!

I am turning 40 in a few months and can’t stand the idea of spending the rest of my life like this. What should I do?

I am a 39-year old woman and I have been thinking of ending my marriage for a while. My husband and I didn’t really know each other that well when we met and decided to marry after just a few months of dating. We were under a lot of pressure from our individual families, which is why we thought it made sense to go ahead. It has been three years now, and we are both sure that this isn’t working. We have nothing in common, there is no spark, and we barely communicate. I have asked him to consider getting a divorce on numerous occasions, and even though he knows it’s the only solution, he refuses because he can’t go against his family’s wishes. They won’t tolerate a divorce, and I can’t leave because I know my family will not support me. They will blame me for this because my husband won’t stand up and accept equal responsibility. I am turning 40 in a few months and can’t stand the idea of spending the rest of my life like this. What should I do?

If your family won’t support you, and your husband agrees that this isn’t working, spend some time on trying to figure out the implications of making this decision on your own. Speak to friends you trust, financial advisors, and anyone who can help you understand what a divorce will mean in real terms. Look at what it costs to live independently, think about what you can do to earn that money, and evaluate your professional and educational background to get a better idea of what living on your own will mean. The fact is families don’t always support us but, as an adult with the capacity to take charge of your life, what you do can depend solely on financial independence. If you need support, consider speaking to a counsellor, look at this decision calmly, and focus on mental well-being because it will go a long way towards giving you the strength you need. 

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