Respect should always be mutual because, without it, no relationship can thrive in the long run
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I have been in a relationship for three months with a woman who says she sometimes needs space, but never gives me that option. If she wants to meet on some weekends but not on others, I have to accommodate her wishes. If I ask for time off to meet a friend, she says I am not being respectful or caring enough. Maybe it’s because this is new for both of us, it may take us time to get used to how the other person functions. I have just never been with someone like this before, which is why I am struggling to accept her demands. For now, I am just agreeing with everything she asks, because I really like her a lot and don’t want to ruin things. I am also aware that if this continues, I am probably making it easier for her to keep doing this because she will think I am okay with it. How do I balance her expectations with mine?
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Respect should always be mutual because, without it, no relationship can thrive in the long run. It’s okay to make compromises if this is new and you’re trying to find your way around, but not speaking up or pushing back doesn’t help your cause because it will inadvertently lead to resentment. Try setting up fixed dates for when you can and can’t meet, and insist on time with your friends. You’re not being unreasonable by asking for the same things your girlfriend wants. As for balancing expectations, that can only come with constant communication and clarity. Speak as often as possible about what you both want, as well as what the other person can or cannot do. This will also bring you closer towards understanding each other, which is the foundation of all solid relationships. The irritation you feel is a sign of an issue that isn’t being dealt with, and that isn’t fair to either of you. The sooner you speak about this, even if it’s difficult, the better it is.
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