You can ask her to be more specific, and then decide if this is a request to change your personality in some radical way
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I have been trying to convince myself that the relationship I am in is good for me. There are warning signs from my partner, who is controlling, very possessive, and often angry if I say or do something he disagrees with, but I ignore them because he is also loving and kind on most occasions. I know people are good and bad, and that we all have flaws, which is why I choose to forgive him. I am wondering if this is something I should ignore for the future though, because we have now been together for almost two years, and I think he expects it to become a more serious commitment. My closest friends think I should end it while I can and get away from him, but I don’t know if that is being fair to him. How do I decide if this is the man I should settle down with?
You’re right about us all being flawed individuals, but there is a line between accepting someone as an individual and making a lifelong commitment. You can ignore red flags when you aren’t living with someone but can’t always escape from them when you are committed to being with that person. This isn’t to say you should accept the advice of your friends without question, because they may have your best interests at heart. Why not give yourself time, avoid any commitment, and see how your partner changes and if his behaviour evolves. Call him out when he is being controlling or angry, give him a chance to change, and if he can’t give you the time you need, you will have your answer about whether this is someone you want to settle down with.
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How can I stop being passive in my relationship? My girlfriend says I accept everything without question.
You can ask her to be more specific, and then decide if this is a request to change your personality in some radical way.
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