Men, can you text your woman every two hours?

Benny Blanco and Selena Gomez recently revealed the key to their strong relationship—open and clear communication. Men might want to take notes!

Are you trying to become the metaphorical “green flag” in your relationship, too? Benny Blanco seems to have set a new benchmark with his unabashedly romantic confessions about his partner, singer Selena Gomez.

The record producer and songwriter joined Gomez on the podcast On Purpose with Jay Shetty, and what stood out in the chat was how Blanco makes sure to check in on Gomez via call or text several times a day. He pointed out that women often have a clearer sense of what they need to feel secure in a relationship. Men, meanwhile, might still be figuring it out.

As a man, I know a thing or two about male behaviour, especially about men in their 20s. They rarely seek relationship advice from friends or family. Self-help for this demographic today comes in the form of social media, podcasts, or influencers. Hence, the questionable life choices.

Blanco spoke to Jay Shetty about how he ensures to text Gomez regularly 

Because of the patriarchy men stew in, it’s genuinely hard for them to articulate what they’re feeling. And when you struggle with something as basic, communication becomes a problem. Take, for instance, men not replying to their partners when they’re out with friends—a “problem” I was introduced to by an all-women team I work with.

To me, it was normal. After all, updating your partner every few hours seems like a bit too much, right?

Turns out, it’s not about updates. A close female friend says, “Men can focus only on the task at hand but women can multitask, like work and text our partners simultaneously. So as a woman, when a man is considerate enough to give me updates about the rest of his plans through the day, it’s nice!”

But she adds, “It’s not a green flag necessarily, but cute for sure. I also have a life and I’m also not on my phone constantly either.”

I believe one must always tell their partners if they’re doing something outside their regular routine. But otherwise? Shouldn’t it be assumed one would be home by a certain time or be in bed at the usual hour? “Regular updates” are only for overly attached couples, isn’t it?

But not sending even a text is seemingly a perpetual problem for men. A lot of men seemingly act this way because they’re simply trying to “be men”. Checking your phone in a rowdy sports bar during a tight match is a “bro foul”.

However, as someone who has mostly had women for friends, I can tell you a thing or two about the notions of “being a man”. If you’re a cisgender, heterosexual male, your ideas of masculinity—of brushing your teeth with gasoline or shaving with a straight razor only—are probably redundant.

I have some friendly advice for a lot of young men out there. Whether you’re in a relationship or not, you must read up about different attachment styles: secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant, which influence how people maintain relationships. 

You don’t need to carve her name on your arm. Some timely texts and calls are a good way to begin.

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