Mothering in a broken system

Women who consciously decide to have children are forced to raise them in a capitalist-racist-patriarchal environment where reproductive labour and caregiving receive no respect

I’m still making sense of the mixed reactions to the viral video of the RPF constable patrolling one of the platforms of the New Delhi railway station with her child strapped in a carrier. It enrages me to see an image of a mother mothering projected across media, accessible to anyone to comment. And the responses are predictable, from the very first post by the authorities themselves parading her dedication in the face of choice-lessness as something virtuous to the subsequent accusations that invariably castigate her for putting her child in danger. The hypocrisy is alarming when you consider the reason why Reena was called to duty despite being on leave—the need for extra personnel for crowd control in the light of a recent stampede for which the Railways should be held directly accountable. How could they not have anticipated a stampede?

I read in one report that Reena dropped off her two older children at day care and carried her littlest one with her to work—a one-year-old. I felt for Reena because when my child was one, having him in the carrier for naps like that took its toll on my back. In my situation, I only did that while travelling, and that was a choice I made. On a regular basis, I was happy to have my child either sleep in a stroller, when on the go, or, preferably, on our bed. I am fortunate to be a work-from-home mom. A combination of previous hard work and pure chance allowed me to secure a freelancer contract that allows me flexible hours and the opportunity to work remotely for an organisation whose politics are in line with my own. It helps, because I live in a region where childcare is expensive and securing a spot in a day care involves a sizeable waiting list. For the first two years of our child’s life, I balanced working from home with all the heavy lifting that motherhood demands that is often imperceptible to the untrained eye…  from managing hunger and thirst to patrolling wake windows and watching for sleep cues during the day, not to mention being constantly on night watch, stirring the second you hear your child has woken from sleep, and, of course, those inevitable days and nights when your child is running a temperature or has some form of illness. Beyond the physical labour, there’s this intense emotional, psychological and intellectual load that you find yourself having to navigate because your body is irreplaceable, and because capitalism has successfully alienated us from support systems. If you don’t have a child, it’s easy to say, ‘leave them with a nanny or a day care’, but especially in India, where, just yesterday I read about the rape of a seven-month-old infant, trust is hard to come by. Infants and toddlers are the most vulnerable to abuse, particularly in a society where abuse and other forms of toxicities and brutalities are totally normalised. Add to this the fact that Reena is living in Delhi, a city with toxic air (I know, I lived there myself) that is unbreathable and beyond hazardous.

When I look at the over-circulated image of Reena being forced to balance two jobs—much like female construction workers, farmers, or tea pickers—I see a mother completely isolated from supportive networks, working a system that has no respect for reproductive labour or even for caregiving, particularly because they are considered female domains. I feel the tension in her back from having a one-year-old strapped to her for a nap, alongside the sense of relief that he is sleeping, finally. I imagine the anxiety she may feel about her other two children at daycare and her worry about when her partner might be back and available once again to share the load. If she is smiling, I feel sure it is because Indian women are programmed to smile in the face of adversity. We are raised to be people-pleasers who shouldn’t ruffle feathers. I hope she is oblivious to all the vocal criticisms about her decision to take her child along. 

I imagine that the multitude of Indian women who have consciously decided to remain single and child-free as well as child-free couples might feel validated about escaping such responsibility. It is no secret that all over the world the birth rate is declining because raising a child in a capitalist-racist-patriarchal world grappling with apocalyptic climate change doesn’t feel tenable. I already live in a country where you are rewarded for having a child, which is the state’s haphazard way of washing its hands off its responsibility to secure, manage and sustain networks of support and care. Mothers are the last people on earth who need to shoulder the burden of broken systems, and yet, as this viral video has proven, they are the ones condemned to bear this mandate.

Deliberating on the life and times of every woman, Rosalyn D’Mello is a reputable art critic and the author of A Handbook For My Lover. She tweets @RosaParx
Send your feedback to mailbag@mid-day.com
The views expressed in this column are the individual’s and don’t represent those of the paper.

"Exciting news! Mid-day is now on WhatsApp Channels Subscribe today by clicking the link and stay updated with the latest news!" Click here!