Should I help him with money?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My boyfriend recently lost his job and has been struggling with money. We have been dating for three months or so, and he wants my help to get back on his feet. Part of me wants to help but, at the same time, I wonder if this is a good idea given that I don't know him as well as I would like to. If this relationship fails, there is no way of knowing if he will return my money. It also complicates things between us because the introduction of a monetary aspect creates some kind of power imbalance that I am not comfortable with. I want to do what I can, but not to an extent that it affects things between us and creates problems where none exist. How do I tackle this without coming across as a cruel or heartless person?
Your concerns are valid and should be taken seriously because monetary issues can derail any relationship if they aren't handled well. You can treat this as the possibility of helping anyone in need, where you extend yourself to a position you are comfortable with, while considering the possibility that you may not get your money back. In this instance, you are operating purely out of goodwill. If you choose to do more, and this starts to change the dynamics of your relationship, you will have to be more open about what is going on and speak to your boyfriend as an adult who will need to separate the financial aspect from your relationship. This is easier said than done, more so given that this isn't someone you have known for very long. The best approach is to come clean about how you feel, ask if there is some way of helping without things becoming too awkward, and using this crisis as a way of understanding each other better. It may not be what he wants or needs, but it may help you both establish some kind of dialogue that may lead to a better solution.

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