Try being a little kinder to yourself and accept that what you are going through is part of a process
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I have been dating a guy who calls me once a month, then ignores me for weeks at a stretch. It feels as if I am someone he knows he can spend an evening with but is ultimately dispensable. I like him a lot and he knows this, so it also feels as if I am good for his ego in some way. I know this is bad for me and I want to stop, but I also keep telling myself that he may change how he sees me if he spends more time with me. At some point, I will stop, but I don’t know what that point is yet. My friends think I am being naïve, so I don’t tell them that I am still meeting this guy. Am I just being unnecessarily optimistic? Should I keep trying until I change his mind, or stop now and hope that he pursues me?
There is nothing wrong with being optimistic, but you have been clear about how you feel and have not received any tangible signs of reciprocity. If this person values you, he won’t treat you as badly as he currently does, and nothing changes that fact. You can keep hoping that he will change his mind, but a person is either fundamentally respectful or not, and how he sees you shouldn’t affect that. Why not ask him a direct question about whether he thinks this is moving forward? If he can’t respond, or doesn’t want to, that should be the answer you need to decide upon your next course of action.
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How do I put the past behind me and look forward to a future after a painful break-up? I don’t want to feel this miserable, but nothing I do seems to affect my mood in any way.
Breaking up with someone is traumatic and leads to grief that takes its own time to resolve. Try being a little kinder to yourself and accept that what you are going through is part of a process.
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