Erectile Dysfunction affects 8 per cent of men aged 20-29, and even boys as young as 17. Art, films, and challenging patriarchy can help
There needs to be a cultural shift in the way we speak about sexuality. Pic/iStock
Suresh and Priya (names changed) had been dating for over two years. Their relationship was full of romance and passion. But as they began discussing marriage and taking things to the next level, their blooming relationship took an unexpected droop—not just metaphorically.
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They gave it time. After all, a little pillow talk and “teamwork” can reignite faded sparks for many. But Suresh, unlike his usual self, was unable to stand at attention. Something was clearly amiss.
When they sought help from consultant psychiatrist and sexologist Dr Shailesh Umate, they discovered the issue wasn’t physiological at all. Instead, it was Suresh’s lack of commitment that had left his enthusiasm (and other things) falling flat.
Dr Umate says, “Not many think about it, but relationship issues, apart from the common factors that we know of, such as lack of physical care, irregular eating patterns, insufficient rest, substance abuse, and work-related stress, can lead to erectile dysfunction (ED).”
In a conversation with Paras Sharma, founder of The Alternative Story, an organisation focusing on emotional and behavioural well-being of individuals, we found out that ED is affecting boys as young as 17, extending to the demographic where it’s more commonly expected—men in their late 50s.
Data suggests approximately 8 per cent of men aged 20-29 and 11 per cent of those aged 30-39 experience ED. Overall, 26 per cent of men under 40 are affected by the condition.
Sharma, a doctoral scholar specialising in masculinity and male body image, has headed ED support groups, and believes that the condition is quite misunderstood. “Most people who have so-called ED don’t have any physiological issue,” he says. “They go and get tested by neurologists, endocrinologists, and urologists, and nothing is found. Most of it seems to be psychological, stemming from really screwed-up ideas of what male sexual performance should be.”
An hour of “firing” before hitting the target once?! That’d make the little sergeant blow his top as if he had stepped on a landmine! Sharma explains, “Pornography has really ruined things for men. And there’s an overemphasis on penile-vaginal sex and the duration of one’s erection. Most participants I have spoken to think it should last 15 minutes, and if it doesn’t, they feel inadequate.”
Dr Umate spelled it out: “The global average for penile-vaginal sex is two to five minutes.” That may be disappointing, but science says it is normal.
Misinformation and lack of education are to blame, say both Sharma and Umate. “Most adolescents learn about sex from peers, the Internet, or influencers, not from parents or schools,” says Sharma. “This leads to myths and unrealistic expectations, like semen retention or the use of untested substances like shilajit, which has no proven benefits and can even be harmful.”
But patriarchy, as we know, hurts men just as much—and they’re to blame as well, given hardly any introspection on their part on seeking help. Sunday mid-day columnist, filmmaker and writer Paromita Vohra, known for her work on gender and sexuality, says, “Heterosexual men don’t speak about anything in a tentative or vulnerable way.”
“Straight men,” she says, “always want to come across as confident and authoritative, which means their anxieties and complexities never get expressed or resolved.” This pressure, she explains, is compounded by a lack of comprehensive sexuality education.
“The portrayal of male sexuality in pop culture,” Vohra says, “is particularly damaging. Men are taught that their sexuality means instant erections, always being ready for sex, and performing like a stud. But the truth is, sexuality is different for every human being. When this diversity isn’t accepted, men feel like failures, and their problems get compounded.”
To challenge these norms, Vohra advocates for a cultural shift in how we talk about sexuality in general. “We need films, art, and media that depict sexuality in diverse and relatable ways,” she says. “It’s not about making a film specifically about ED but about showing sexuality as a dynamic, evolving part of human life. The problem isn’t ED itself—it’s the way we talk about sex and relationships.” Erectile dysfunction, as Dr Umate says, “is a treatable condition in most cases, if treated correctly and if the person reaches out to the right professional.” But the first step, he says, is “breaking the silence.”
26%
Men under 40 who are affected by ED
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