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You can’t pour from an empty cup

Updated on: 07 June,2021 08:22 AM IST  |  Mumbai
Sukanya Datta |

From exhaustion and hopelessness to a decreased sense of empathy, a lot of relief volunteers and caregivers are experiencing compassion fatigue amid the pandemic. Experts tell us why self-care is key to wellness

You can’t pour from an empty cup

Representation pic

At the peak of the second wave in late April, 30-year-old Ankita Kumar, a travel influencer who was volunteering for Covid-19 relief work, would start her day by responding to SOS messages for oxygen, hospital beds and plasma donation. By the end of the day, however, she would be looking for crematoriums. “Initially, I would break down after hearing that someone I was trying to help didn’t make it. But after a few days of this happening constantly, I started feeling nothing at all. I couldn’t compute the grief,” shares the Bengaluru resident, adding that she also felt that nothing gave her pleasure, and experienced a loss of appetite and acute exhaustion for two weeks.



Kumar isn’t alone. Hundreds of relief volunteers and caregivers of different kinds have been displaying similar symptoms in the wake of the pandemic, and it has a name: compassion fatigue. City-based clinical psychologist, counsellor and psychotherapist Priyanka Varma explains that compassion fatigue is an extreme amount of distress that one experiences out of constantly caring for another. It’s also called vicarious trauma or secondary trauma, adds the founder of The Thought Co, a wellness studio.


Varma notes that compassion fatigue is not new, however. “It’s often observed among individuals who are in the caring profession such as doctors, nurses, social workers, mental-health professionals or caregivers, and individuals who experience a high level of empathy. It’s also noted among those who work with victims of abuse or natural disasters, and caregivers of people with dementia and cancer,” she elaborates. The number of people reporting this phenomenon has increased now, as nearly everyone is a caregiver with no end date in sight, she adds.

Note the symptoms
Kumar tells us that it was a scary time for her, when she was experiencing the symptoms. “I couldn’t sleep; I began wondering what was wrong with me. It was only when I attended a support group for volunteers that I realised I’m not alone. A counsellor told us we were experiencing compassion fatigue. It was a relief to know that all these feelings had a name,” she reveals.

Exercise and cooking are efficient self-care practices
Exercise and cooking are efficient self-care practices

Amrita Patil Pimpale, founder, Echoing Healthy Ageing, a social enterprise working with Mumbai’s senior citizens, shares that she’s noticed that compassion fatigue leads to guilt of not doing enough and extreme lack of self-care. Pimpale, who’s been running a support group for caregivers of dementia patients along with Holy Family Hospital, Bandra, for five years, adds, “You isolate yourself because you feel you only need to be with your loved one. Slowly, you feel burdened. In cases like Alzheimer’s or dementia, since the patient can’t recognise your efforts, you feel unappreciated. During Covid-19, a lot of caregivers felt an increased need to protect their loved ones. So, they stopped getting help from outside, further burdening themselves.”

Amrita Patil Pimpale
Amrita Patil Pimpale

Varma explains that while symptoms of burnout and compassion fatigue may appear similar, the primary difference is that in case of the former, one experiences a strain while caring for another person, while in the latter, one feels drained from everyday stressors. These are some of the common signs:

>>Numbness, hopelessness, mental and physical exhaustion, disturbed sleep, nightmares and headaches.
>>Irregular bowel movement, stomach upset and decreased or increased appetite.
>>Diminished sense of purpose, feeling disconnected and difficulty maintaining relationships.  
>>A key symptom is difficulty in caring for oneself. 
>>Feeling burdened by the suffering of others, blaming others for their suffering, experiencing a lack of pleasure, difficulty in concentrating and expressing emotions, use of drugs or intoxicants, and a denial of one’s mental suffering.

Priyanka Varma and Ankita Kumar
Priyanka Varma and Ankita Kumar

Check in with yourself
Pimpale shares that support groups for caregivers are an excellent way to seek help and affirm that one is not alone. “For instance, the focus of our support group is not only on managing symptoms of dementia but also how caregivers need to take care of themselves. This happens through advice from a psychiatrist and therapist, as well as help from other caregivers,” she illustrates.

Varma suggests compassion fatigue can lead to reduced quality of care provided by the caregiver because of their own struggle. So, one must fill up their tank of self-care first.
>>Check in with yourself daily. 
>>Practise mindfulness through activities like cleaning or cooking. The key is to be fully engaged in the moment. Journaling is also cathartic. 
>>Do basic exercises; they release endorphins that are a stress-buster and help you power through difficult situations. 

‘Can only do so much’
Indrani Bose, 66, a Kanjur-marg resident, who has been taking care of her late in-laws and father, and now her mother, for over 30 years, identifies with some of the symptoms of compassion fatigue.

The pandemic, she adds, has worsened the anxiety: “I’ve had instances of panic attacks, which led to difficulty in sleeping, irritability and at times feeling like a hypochondriac. Fortunately, I can recognise these as aberrations to my nature, so I keep myself busy with activities.” She wants to create a bubble for her mother as a caregiver. “But having gone through this thrice, I know my capability is limited. I have to do only that which I can sustain.” 

Finding support
>>Echoing Healthy Ageing runs a free support group for caregivers of dementia and Alzheimer’s patients.
Log on to: echoinghealthy-ageing.com

>>Reach out to Caregiver Saathi for a host of resources including podcasts, articles, workshops and counselling.
Log on to: caregiversaathi.co.in

Also Read: Mumbai: Bollywood biggies open their purses for pandemic relief

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