After a highly detailed matrimonial advertisement got shade from social media users, a matchmaker tells us what to look for in a person and how to craft an ideal ad
Experts suggest that a balanced matrimonial ad should focus on qualitative and not quantitative requirements
Relationship take work, and that’s even before you have a partner. We’re talking about the effort of finding someone to be in a relationship with, in the first place. As another matrimonial advertisement makes its rounds on the Internet collecting eye rolls, laughs and criticism for specifications that begin with birth date and move on to height range, job profiles and more, Bengaluru-based Radhika Mohta, matchmaker and relationship coach who teaches a course on dating reminds us that quantitative metrics won’t guarantee a happy relationship. She adds, “Even if a 100-point checklist is met, who can say that the person would make a good and active partner, be emotionally stable and respectful? You can only get what you want, with all the filters, on Amazon, because people don’t come in packages.” So what makes for an ideal matrimonial ad? This comes down to what we should be looking for in a partner.
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Radhika Mohta
Mohta suggests changing the approach from quantitative to qualitative requirements where you align with another person on a fundamental level. Having two to three deal-breakers is fine, and subjective to one’s personal choice, however, she reminds us, “We are not looking for a personality twin or someone to cook and clean; we’re looking for an equal partner. This can be someone to complement and balance your qualities, set you up for success, respect you and each other’s families and for whom you can do the same.”
For this and the ideal matrimonial ad, start with understanding oneself and questioning the quantitative requirements and biases such as height, weight, and complexion that will not guarantee a healthy relationship. Go beyond the 250-character bio and put in the effort to describe yourself and the qualities you know to be important. She notes that identifying one’s core value system and finding someone who can align with these values would be the key, as it would then be easier to connect with the other person and avoid constantly questioning oneself and the relationship.
But such features can’t be read on a bio data, and Mohta always encourages clients to meet and interact to best understand the possibilities. The first three dates should offer a good enough indicator to check if your lifestyles, approach to handling money and goals for the next three years match. “Relationships don’t come readymade, they have to be built and this cannot happen over text, app or checklist,” the matchmaker notes. Quality interaction and in-person conversations are important to understand a potential partner’s emotional maturity, how they treat people, their perspectives, readiness to commit, and other important nuances.
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