Four newly married and to-be-wed couples from the city talk about how they would rewrite their wedding vows in the era of social media, Tinder and almost-equal pay
Sree Sen and Sangram Lotankar at Bandra Kurla Complex. Pic/Sayyed Sameer Abedi
The one lesson you learn in your 20s is that finding "the one" is not easy. But even if you do, what are the guidelines you want to follow to make a relationship work, especially in the context of today's hectic schedules, and work that involves travel or long-distance relationships and marriages? Since our traditional wedding vows, which include promises that entail notions of the man being the provider, are archaic in an age where equitable distribution of housework and providing emotional stability are more vital, millennials jot down their own wedding vows which they feel should be fulfilled instead. Four Mumbai-based couples share theirs with us.
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Quiet couple time
Sree Sen and Sangram Lotankar have not had it easy. Their relationship was mostly long-distance and Sree, a content consultant, was at a low phase in life when she met him. They say they are two different people who bonded over their love for travelling and Bengali music. Come July, and they will tie the knot with a small reception of 50 guests — a practical decision the two UK-bound 30-year-olds have taken. "As both of us are leaving for Ireland, a grand wedding seems irresponsible. Spending lakhs in one day is ostentatious. We would rather spend it on our education and future," she says.
And while this vow has become a decision, the Chembur residents also intend to follow the life lessons they have been taught. "I promise to always take time out for face-to-face conversations. When we have time, we should sit down and talk to each other, as opposed to having the TV or Netflix on, which many couples do. We are so caught up with our work and social life that we underestimate the power of quiet couple time," says Sree. Referring to another issue — her tendency to lose her temper — she adds, "No matter how much we fight, I will never walk away. We will find a solution." All this, while Sangram, a lawyer, dreams of gaining weight together. "There's a certain comfort in being with your partner, growing old and gaining weight together. It's a happy life then," he says.
Meeting halfway
They are both 25, and everyone in their community — the Bohris — is getting married. And Zahra Sanchawala and Hasnain Kanchwalla too will be tying the knot later this year. Having maintained a long-distance courtship for five years, the Mazagaon residents, who are poles apart, have managed to build on their compatibility over the years. And to maintain that, following certain guidelines remains crucial.
Social media marketing and executive Zahra felt left out when Hasnain, a doctor, didn't put up a post on her birthday. "When you don't get what you expect, it messes with you. I vow not to get affected by it," she says. Hasnain, who has all of two posts on Instagram, made it a point to upload one picture of theirs. "My WhatsApp picture is with her. That's how I make up for not posting on Instagram," he adds.
The little things matter
They were co-workers who fell in love. Quite different from each other and coming from different backgrounds, a 28-year-old singer from Santacruz Sneha Suresh and Andheri entrepreneur Varun Saraogi's (also 28) future was hazy. That is, till they realised their core beliefs and values were similar. "And we never gave up on each other. There is comfort, vulnerability and acceptance," says Sneha. Come May, and the two will be married, for which they have laid down some ground rules.
While Sneha promises to cook a meal once a week, which is often ignored due to hectic schedules, she also points out the importance of meeting their friends separately. "Space is vital," she says. Varun, 28, vows to pay attention to the little things he can do. "I vow to make her a cup of filter coffee when she's on her periods," he says.
Emotional security
"The first time I spoke to Dhruvi, she told me she couldn't text me due to an eye problem. So she took my number and called me from the landline, at the exact time she had promised, for the first and last time," recalls Vile Parle-based actor and choreographer Prateek Mota, about how he first came across Dhruvi Shah on a dating app, like true millennials, in September 2017. Ten minutes into the call, Dhruvi was snoring away. And yet, something felt right. Which is why, barely a week into talking to each other, Prateek braved the Mumbai floods to go see her, and they decided to get hitched. The decision didn't go down well with family and friends, and from early on, they both realised the importance of working as a team.
On December 16 last year, they tied the knot in a traditional Kanchi Jain wedding. And as much as it sounds like it's out of a movie, it worked because they made promises to each other that remain sacrosanct. First, comes emotional security. "We keep our fights between ourselves rather than let other people in, because that gives them power to interfere and make your relationship weaker. We have to be one unit. That's the only way we will be able to do this," shares Dhruvi. Addressing another issue, Prateek promises, "I vowed to protect her dignity and to not taunt her by using her deepest and darkest secrets or insecurities against her. That was one thing we were both hurt by in the past, by friends as well."
And as social media is a huge part of her life, writer Dhruvi ensures Prateek is a part of her online life. "He's a recurring feature in my posts. That's also how I keep things real," she explains. It's when they move on to options like her laughing at his jokes, while he vows to crack PJs so that she has something to laugh about later, that we realise that remembering the dates and times of the tiniest of things (like they do) doesn't take a planner. "I vow to watch movies with her, even though she snores away in the theatre," concludes Prateek, with a laugh.
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