She can’t seem to handle vacations!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 42-year-old man and have been married for almost a decade. My wife and I have a good relationship, except for when we go on vacations. This has been happening for a long time now. It's as if she turns into someone else and I don't understand it. She can't relax at all, gets into serious arguments for no reason almost every day, and is always offended by anything and everything I say or do. At first, I thought this would change as we grew older, but it only seems to be getting worse which is why I am starting to worry. I don't know how to change it because whenever I bring up the topic, she gets extremely defensive and says that I am exaggerating. I am not exaggerating in the slightest. Things are so bad that I have cancelled plans for holidays twice over the past year and a half. She doesn't even acknowledge that there is a problem, so I don't know what to do about it. Should I just assume that we won't be able to take a trip together again, and start travelling on my own?
It's sometimes hard to understand how people deal with situations out of their comfort zone if they aren't willing to think about their actions. Anxiety related to travel is real and can compel people to behave in all kinds of ways, but avoiding a trip with your partner is serious because it points to unresolved issues that have been brushed aside for too long. She may refuse to acknowledge the problem, but you are entitled to feeling the way you do, and the onus of fixing this lies on both of you even if it seems like a difficult task. Tell her why you have been considering solo travel, why she needs to do something about her behaviour, and how this is affecting your relationship. She may not want to accept the problem, but she still needs to acknowledge how it makes you feel.

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