Instant dharma

Illustration/Uday Mohite

And so Adar Poonawalla signed on the dotted line - making him a 50 per cent stakeholder in Karan Johar's production company. He turned to KJo and said

"Karan hi… now that I've added to your coffers, bailed you out, don't you think I deserve to be a part of your name?"

"Like?" Karan Johar asked.

"How about Adar-ma Productions… combine my name with yours," Poonawalla jr suggested.

"Nope doesn't work… Dharma has a certain ring to it, Adar-ma doesn't."

"Okay since I've put in half the amount, a whopping R1,000 crores, shall we agree on Adha-rma Productions? Do you get it... adha as in half?"

"Listen dude, when I agreed for us to join hands, it was a financial deal, pure and simple…," KJo said.

"Look you needed a booster shot, forgive the pun… and I gave it to you."

"Adar, before you came on the scene, we were first negotiating with Saregama for a buy in, the deal didn't come through not because of percentage sharing, but because they wanted to call the joint venture, Saredharma Productions," KJo said scornfully.

"Okay, forget names, Dharma remains. But you need concepts, high concepts, you need content… with all this nepotism etc, you don't seem to have a winning formula for definite box office success. You're dangling somewhere between a masala movie director and an arthouse auteur, the problem with you is you have too much of an aesthetic. You make the same film over and over again, you don't have the green thumb that Raju Hirani has…," Adar exclaimed.

"Right, Adar, let me tell you, there's no formula for creating perfect cinema or for curing COVID, as you've found out, right? I mean, you apparently made this vaccine, that was the meant to nullify the virus, and now people are falling sick two years later, immune systems have collapsed with some regularity, your Covishield it seems is quite dodgey - so you get your act together first , figure out your medicine while I get on with movie making!" KJo shot back.

"Karan, Karan… just relax, man, don't get defensive. I'm only suggesting as a layman, see bro… I'm a hard-nosed businessman. I want successful films just as much as you. Just see Hollywood, it's all about franchises… so even here in Bollywood, Ajay Devgn and Rohit Shetty have mastered this 100 per cent guaranteed success walla franchise - Singham, who is a super cop. This new blockbuster that releases on Diwali is titled Singham Again. I have an idea for an interesting character and franchise - if they can have Singham and his Cop Universe… we create a character called Serum, in a COVID Universe," Adar announced.

"Serum? What does this character Serum do?" KJo asked, fascinated.

"Serum is a super doctor… in the first installment, he is faced with his arch rival, COVID Mama, a part villain, part virus - so COVID Mama threatens to destroy India - Serum drives into COVID Mama's headquarters called Zeneca. He's armed with a giant syringe shaped like a bazooka.

If Singham is a super cop, then my Serum is a super doctor, no guns, only syringes - he zips around in his high-speed ambulance. He will be a super hero of the medical world - in each instalment, he has to save the world from a new major bacteria."

"Hmmmm, maybe we can cast a female lead, Kriti Sanon?"

Adar continued - "I'm seeing many instalments after the first film - Serum will be followed by Serum 2, then Serum Returns, Serum Again, Son of Serum, Son of Serum 2 and so on."

The two men were finally seeing eye to eye.

"See KJo… I'm an action oriented guy - What about some gritty fare. Your penchant is always for sugary syrupy, why don't we turn some of your sop into grit. Dude, the Underworld is back. Punjab is the hub of crime and music - we should maximise this trend. We should remake all your RomComs into RomSters."

"What's a RomSter?" Karan asked.

"A RomSter is a new genre - a romantic gangster film."

"So which film of mine do you want to turn into a RomSter?"

"My team is already on it, the screenplay is ready - it's called Kabhie Bishnoi Kabhie Bhai," Adar concluded.

Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahul.dacunha@mid-day.com