Extramarital workplace affairs on rise; experts share implications and ways to set professional boundaries

Experts caution that while the thrill of secrecy might fuel an office affair, the novelty can wear off quickly leaving behind feelings of guilt and regret

It's the elephant in the corporate boardroom that no one wants to address, and yet, must contend with every day - the workplace spouse that you repeatedly reassure your significant other to not worry about; but know that they would do well to more than worry about anyway. We're talking about office affairs which, as recent data reveals, are far more common than you'd think.

The survey explained that the long work hours and high stress levels that corporate employees must contend with, were the main causes for extramarital workplace affairs. REPRESENTATION PICS

A survey by Gleeden, an extramarital dating app, reveals that nearly 25 per cent of Indian users, especially those in corporate jobs, have been unfaithful - the numbers are much higher in metro cities, with Kolkata and Mumbai leading with 35 per cent of respondents answering in the affirmative with Delhi coming a close second at 32 per cent.

An unhealthy outlet?

The makers of the survey cite the long work hours and high stress levels that corporate employees must contend with, as leading causes for extramarital workplace affairs. They contend that stepping outside the boundaries of marriage (whether in the form of casual flings or more serious relationships) offers an easy outlet to alleviate this stress.

Taylor Elizabeth

Taylor Elizabeth, an emotional intelligence coach, agrees with these observations. "Professionals, especially in corporate settings, often juggle demanding schedules, high stress, and the constant need to prove themselves. This can create emotional gaps in their personal lives, making them more susceptible to seeking connection and validation elsewhere. Long hours, frequent collaborations, and shared challenges in the workplace often blur boundaries, leading to deeper-than-expected relationships," she explains. She adds that many professionals describe these affairs as a means of escaping feelings of monotony or dissatisfaction - especially when in the throes of a mid-life crisis that may cause them to question their life choices or seek excitement beyond their typical routines. According to her, such affairs signal deeper emotional struggles that often go unaddressed, which may include feeling stuck or undervalued.

Filling a void

Sohini Rohra

Paucities in existing relationships - whether actual or perceived - can further cause either partner to go astray. Sohini Rohra, a counselling psychologist, notes that, in her practice, many corporate employees report feeling uncared for or emotionally neglected, especially if their partner is frequently away or constantly preoccupied with their job. "For others, the dynamic shifts may occur when one partner becomes controlling or overly dependent, making the other feel trapped and desperate for freedom. Further, when physical intimacy is lacking or unfulfilling, the disconnect becomes even harder to ignore, leading some to seek what's missing outside their marriage," she clarifies. The situation becomes further complicated in major metropolitan cities such as Mumbai, which have a culture of individualism. "People in big cities are juggling high-powered careers and endless opportunities, and this privilege can sometimes lead to entitlement in relationships. It's easy to believe, ‘If this isn't working for me, I have other options'," she says.

Let's keep it real

Namrata Jain

Even though it may seem as though extramarital affairs are simply individuals seeking what their heart truly desires, counselling psychologist Namrata Jain warns against romanticising the notion. "In my practice, I have observed that extramarital affairs rarely last long; even if they do, the partner who has strayed often ends up miserable. Such affairs are fuelled by the thrill of secrecy. Once that initial excitement wears off, the relationship can be difficult to sustain and often falls apart. People eventually realise that the same emotional patterns they were trying to escape in their marital relationship exists in the affair as well," she cautions.

What makes such affairs particularly damaging is that their fallout almost always spills over into the professional realm. "I have seen clients lose their drive, their sense of purpose and even their passion for their work. When your personal life feels unstable, everything else starts to feel unstable too. It's almost as if your foundation is missing and nothing seems to hold firm anymore," she adds.

The saving grace

Claiming ownership and accountability when it comes to extramarital relationships isn't easy; but if you're genuinely concerned about moving forward, Elizabeth suggests taking it slow. "It's important to pause and reflect, and to ask yourself why this happened and what you truly want as you move forward. Avoid acting impulsively out of guilt or fear; instead, focus on handling the situation with maturity and responsibility," she says. Should you decide to end the affair and focus on your marital relationship, here's how you can go about it:

Be honest: Approach conversations with those who are impacted by the affair with empathy and respect. Taking accountability, without placing blame elsewhere, is key to moving forward.

Get support: Talking to a therapist, coach, or trusted mentor can provide clarity and help you process emotions in a healthy way.

Rebuild trust: Whether it's with your partner, family or colleagues, focus on actions that show integrity and reliability.

Set boundaries: If the relationship involves a colleague, it's important to establish and maintain clear professional boundaries moving forward.

"Remember, moving forward from an affair is not about erasing what happened but learning from it and making choices that align with who you want to be," Elizabeth signs off.

Containing the fallout

An extramarital affair, especially in the workplace, can have serious implications for your reputation, says Rohra. "If your colleagues learn of it, it could lead to damaged trust, strained relationships, or even disciplinary action if company policies are violated. Gossip can overshadow your achievements, making it harder to maintain credibility," she advises. The experts suggest relatable strategies:

>> Stay professional: Keep the personal out of office dynamics. Focus on your performance and demonstrate your reliability.

>> Address concerns: If rumours emerge, address it discreetly and professionally. Staying silent or defensive can escalate matters.

>> Learn and grow: Take the opportunity to reflect on your values and ensure your actions align with them, moving forward. Colleagues and peers tend to respect those who own up and try to improve.

>> Take it slow: Consistency and integrity will help restore professional relationships. Let your consistent, ethical behaviour rebuild trust over time.

>> Seek help: Guidance from a mentor or counsellor can help you navigate smoothly; the opportunity can be used for personal and professional growth.

Also Read: Politics in dating: Is political opinion a determining factor while choosing partners?