Female daters dive into what they think about interest vs insistence

Image for representational purpose only. Photo Courtesy: istock

The dating world, online or in real life (IRL), thrives on effort. But over 8,500 women told Indian dating app, QuackQuack, that the line between effort and annoyance is thin, and daters need to realise it sooner rather than later. 2 in 5 women noted that genuine interest is appreciable, but that coupled with over-persistence is a red flag; striking the right balance is everything.|

Ahead of International Women's Day 2025 being celebrated on March 8, the survey was conducted among active female users aged 20 to 35 across all major Indian cities. Respondents belonged to various professional fields and socio-economic backgrounds. They were asked to share their experiences with persistence or its overplay, their perception of effort, and ways to date safely. The app's founder and CEO, Ravi Mittal, added, "In modern dating, emotional intelligence trumps almost all other qualities. Lasting connection while dating online is directly proportional to striking a balance between persistence with effort and giving your match their space to decide whether they are ready to accept all that you have to offer. Only when there's mutual interest is effort appreciated."

Read the 'chat' room
The response or lack of it should be indication enough if your match welcomes the work you are putting in, said 2,876 women between 25 and 30. 3 in 5 of these women revealed that if a match has not replied in a reasonable time frame, it is safe to assume they are not interested. Repeated messages or follow-ups are neither required nor welcome. Over 38% of the respondents shared they find it unsettling if a match relentlessly pursues the connection. Pritika from Delhi said, "Reading the room is very important in dating, online or offline. Double texting is okay, but the third time is not the charm in this case. It is much more appealing when a person gives their match space and time to respond."

Digital boundaries
Approximately 28 per cent of women from Tier 1 and 2 cities mentioned that they share their social media accounts with a match after 2 to 3 weeks of chatting. Among these respondents, 22 per cent disclosed that their matches have been respectful of their boundaries and continued the interaction in the dating app instead of bombarding them with DMs. Participants explained that sharing 'socials' is not an invitation to chat on those platforms; rather, in modern dating, it serves as "proof of life," validating the lifestyle they claimed to have and reinforcing their authenticity.

A soft NO is still a NO
The survey results highlighted that over 19 per cent of women below 24 do not feel comfortable saying a direct "no" and prefer "kind deflection" over brutal rejections. They expressed how their empathy often forces them to ask for a raincheck instead of clean cuts. 3 in 4 of these women from Tier 1, 2, and 3 cities mentioned that "I am busy" or "Let's see" is more often than not a soft no. In such cases, the key is to take the hint and move on.

What's a two-way street? Flirting
A flirty text is fun only when it is reciprocated. One-sided flirtation can quickly escalate to uncomfortable interactions. 17 per cent of women above 30 disclosed trying their hands on flirting. 3533 female users from metros and suburbs revealed that women find it off-putting when a match continues to flirt despite receiving dry responses. Raima (26), software engineer from Kolkata, said, "If you get a HaHa for your flirty text, don't waste your flirting skills on them. It's a polite way of disengaging from the conversation."

Interest and Insistence - understand the difference
Genuine interest in a match is charming, but the trick is to understand when that interest is turning into insistence. 2 in 6 women shared that people, including themselves, sometimes don't get that repeated texting might be suffocating for a match, that might have otherwise worked out well. Adrija, 31, said, "I strongly believe in not crossing the line between interest and desperation. I did it when I was young, but I've learned my lesson. If you don't get a response, it usually means the match is not interesting, and rarely means they need 10 reminders a day that you exist."