Do housewives find a sense of belonging in their roles?

Being a homemaker involves unpaid work, and the emotional, mental and psychological challenges associated with this role remain largely unspoken. In India, the role of a homemaker is deeply ingrained in cultural traditions.

The Cambridge Dictionary (1995) defines a housewife as "a woman whose work is inside the home, doing the cleaning, cooking, etc., and who usually does not have any other job." While this definition seems straightforward, it raises questions about how the role of homemakers is viewed, especially in Indian culture.

In fact, married women in India account for the largest share of female suicide deaths, underscoring the harsh reality that, for many, the role of a homemaker is filled with deep psychological and emotional challenges.

As National Housewife's Day was celebrated on November 3, mid-day.com in order to gain deeper insight into this issue, spoke with two homemakers from different generations: Abigail (name changed), a 29-year-old stay-at-home mother, and Carol (name changed), a 54-year-old homemaker. We also consulted D Rita Jacquelyn, psychology professor at Royal College, Mira Road and former freelancer consultant, who sheds light on the emotional pressures a homemaker may have to face.

Abigail chose to leave her career to focus on raising her young daughter. She expresses love for the role but also shares challenges. "I do love being a housewife," she says, adding, "It brings me great joy when I see that I am able to provide nourishment, like physical, healthy nourishment for my child."

Yet, like many homemakers, she also faces moments of loneliness and exhaustion. "I do feel lonely sometimes, especially because my daughter demands so much of my attention and my husband works long hours. I cry to the Lord; that's one of the first things that I do, and I cry to my mother, and when my husband comes home, I share with him, and he takes care of our daughter while I take some time off in the nights to just be by myself," she shares.

What stands out in the 30-year-old homemaker's story is the family support she receives, making a significant difference in how she copes with the emotional aspects of homemaking. "I have never felt undervalued by my family members, in fact, it's the other way around. All of my family members support and insist on me being at home to take care of our little one," she says. This support is crucial, as it gives her the space to take time off when needed without feeling guilty. "I don't feel guilty for taking time off. That's also because I have a family that appreciates and supports and insists on me taking time off."

Sharing how she feels the role of a homemaker is viewed in current times. Abigail says, "The current trend is to acknowledge that child rearing has an impact, as well as how it is important to take time off and how it is important to recognise mothers especially and to counsel them. There are a lot of influencers who do that very specifically, and there are a lot of homemaker groups you can be a part of. And personally, societal view has not been much of a factor that I need to consider in any kind of decision making."

ALSO READ: National Stress Awareness Day: The stress-relief toolkit you need

Carol, 54, has spent all her life as a homemaker, managing the household and raising children. Unlike Abigail, Carol doesn't find fulfillment in homemaking.

She points out that society's view of homemaking has changed over the years, but it's still not enough. "Society does not value the efforts and contribution of a homemaker towards building a beautiful environment for the family. The views of society are particularly negative and do not impact me anymore," she says.

Although Carol doesn't experience loneliness or boredom, she feels a deep sense of unfulfillment. "It's not practically possible to keep everyone satisfied so the thought of unfulfillment does matter at times," she reflects. Expressing her desire to pursue personal goals, particularly her desire to serve underprivileged communities, she says, "My goal is to put our service and talents to use to help the underprivileged. Small steps are taken at the moment in order to balance them with my current responsibilities."

According to psychologist Jacquelyn, homemakers, regardless of age, often struggle with their self-perception and societal recognition, both of which can significantly impact mental health.

"Self-perception plays an important role in the impact the role of homemaker has on women," she explains, adding, "In India, the family structure will also play an important role - joint versus nuclear family structure." However, she also points out that many homemakers, especially those from more traditional backgrounds, lack the emotional support they need. "Lack of social support in the form of siblings or friends may also risk a person to mental health issues like anxiety and depression," she notes.

Financial concerns and the lack of financial independence can also contribute to mental health struggles, particularly in India, where many homemakers are financially dependent on their spouses. "Financial concerns and lack of financial independence or any autonomy to make decisions could be common concerns of Indian housewives."

Some women are happy in their role as homemakers, with a lot of them even leaving their careers to take care of their families. However, given the challenges that accompany being a homemaker, recognising their mental health needs and creating a supportive environment is crucial.