Global Diversity Month: Understanding and overcoming curiosity harassment

"Curiosity, that crosses the line into someone's boundaries, becomes a form of harassment," states Smita Shetty Kapoor, CEO and co-founder of Kelp. This is especially true for individuals from the LGBTQIA+ community, who are often subjected to intrusive, deeply personal questions under the guise of curiosity. According to a 2023 LGBT+ Inclusion at Work report by Deloitte, nearly 83 per cent of LGBTQIA+ employees in India reported experiencing discrimination and 95 per cent experienced micro-aggressions in the workplace.

While some members of the community may choose to answer questions to foster understanding, it is not their responsibility to explain or justify their gender identity or sexuality, particularly in professional settings. "Curiosity can easily turn harmful when it's used as a mask for invasive questioning. Asking someone about their body, sexual preferences, or intimate details of their life is inappropriate and crosses clear boundaries. This behaviour is not only unprofessional but also dehumanising, reducing an individual to a mere label or identity rather than seeing them as a whole person," explains Kapoor.

Sonica Aron, founder of Marching Sheep, says curiosity harassment manifests in different ways. She elaborates, "When people do not understand same sex relationships, or why are pronouns important, or what can different symptoms of disabilities be and how they affect personal lives, or professional lives. Inability to handle sensitive conversations can lead to curiosity harassment with significant negative consequence on individuals, team dynamics and overall organisational culture." This Global Diversity Month, experts delve into what entails curiosity harassment, the line between curiosity and harassment, and how can organisations address the issue.

Curiosity harassment, and creation of hostile work environments

A study by William Institute, UCLA, found that 37 per cent of LGBTQIA+ employees experienced harassment at work due to their sexual orientation or gender identity. "Intrusive questions, teasing, and exclusionary behaviours not only create discomfort but often lead to deeper psychological effects. As a result, many LGBTQIA+ employees feel compelled to mask their true selves, suppressing their identities to avoid further scrutiny or mistreatment," suggests Kapoor.

"I consider myself fortunate in terms of curiosity harassment compared to many friends in the queer community who have endured severe workplace harassment. Aside from some unwarranted curiosity and jokes that I learned to ignore in my early career, I have heard colleagues make fun of queer individuals and openly express homophobic sentiments in my presence. Some have been forced to leave their jobs and accept positions that don't align with their qualifications. It's disheartening to see highly qualified individuals struggle to find basic decency in their workplaces after being onboarded," observes Meenakshi Vuppuluri, lawyer and subject matter expert - PoSH and DEI, Kelp.

Bisexual and lesbian women frequently encounter intrusive questions about their sexual experiences, and unfortunately, some find themselves objectified by colleagues in a fetishising manner. Vuppuluri recalls, "A highly educated lesbian friend of mine, an economist educated in the US, shared a disturbing experience where a male colleague claimed to be an ally, stating he would love to join her and her partner in bed if they ever needed assistance. This kind of objectification and disrespect underscores the need for a cultural shift in how we perceive and treat LGBTQIA+ individuals in the workplace."

Also Read: Creating an inclusive workplace: HR strategies for supporting LGBTQIA+ employees

The expert further shares how sexuality and gender become a subject of scrutiny and gaze for all the others consume. "Trans individuals in my network often face invasive questions about their bodies, their decisions to transition, or their sexual partners. Such inquiries are not only inappropriate but also highlight a troubling trend where the affected individual often bears the consequences, losing their job rather than the harasser facing any repercussions," highlights Vuppuluri.

This kind of workplace dynamic fosters a hostile environment, where community members are forced to navigate constant microaggressions and invasive curiosity. "Over time, this not only undermines their ability to be authentic but also leads to heightened stress, emotional exhaustion, and burnout. The toll of such harassment extends beyond mental health, often manifesting in physical health issues as well, as the chronic strain from these experiences takes its toll on both mind and body. It is critical for organisations to ensure personal boundaries are respected and that conversations remain professional and appropriate to foster a truly inclusive workplace. If someone truly wants to learn more about the LGBTQIA+ community, there are alternate and respectful ways to approach it without imposing on personal boundaries," proposes Kapoor.

The line between curiosity and harassment

"Curiosity is natural and can lead to understanding, but when directed at a colleague's personal life, especially in the workplace, it crosses a line. The key factor that distinguishes curiosity from harassment is relevance. If the information being sought has no professional relevance and pertains to private matters that an individual hasn't volunteered, then asking such questions can be harmful and inappropriate. Even well-intended questions, when irrelevant, can make an employee feel uncomfortable or singled out. For example, asking someone when they decide to become gay," shares Kapoor.

She stresses the importance of recognising non-verbal cues, "Body language can reveal a lot about someone's comfort level. If an employee seems uneasy, that discomfort should be a clear signal to stop. Consent is a major consideration here. Before diving into personal topics, it's important to gauge whether the person is open to discussing such matters. Consent not only creates a respectful boundary but ensures the conversation remains in a safe space."

How can individuals recognise that their questions might be inappropriate or offensive? Kapoor advises, "Being sensitive to others' feelings is like building an inclusive and respectful workplace. A simple yet effective way to gauge whether a question might be intrusive is by placing yourself in the other person's shoes. Ask yourself, ‘Would I be comfortable answering this question?' If the answer is no, it's a sign that the question may be crossing a line."

Responding to curiosity harassment

When asked how to respond to curiosity harassment, Vuppuluri recommends, "For a queer person who is being subjected to such curiosity harassment, I'd suggest that having strong boundaries and being assertive goes a long way. Stay calm because it is a professional setting, set a firm boundary and do not apologise for setting that boundary. Remember, it is not your job to educate anyone. Ask them if they'd like some online resources for general questions about the community. If people are being ignorant, assertively state that it is highly inappropriate that they are asking you such questions and you do not feel comfortable answering them. Tell the person asking unwanted questions that they are personal to you and you don't want to respond. Please contact an HR professional and state your discomfort in handling those questions. Remember, people ask such questions to get a reaction out of you and the best response is no response."

Addressing curiosity harassment in organisations

"At an individual level, people subjected to inappropriate questions may feel anxious, frustrated, and even violated by such actions. It impacts their sense of belonging, job satisfaction and overall well-being. At a team level, it can lead to isolation, groupism and a toxic environment. At an organisational level, it promotes a culture of non-disclosure, trust deficit and lack of inclusion. Therefore, addressing curiosity harassment becomes essential for HR teams as a part of building high performance and inclusive culture in organisations," believes Sonica Aron, founder of Marching Sheep.

Leadership should pave the way

Highlighting the crucial role of individual behaviour and awareness, Aron poses, "Our organisations are a sub unit of the society. Our leaders, people managers and team members come from a society that is steeped in stereotypes and divisive norms. Hence systemic, holistic, continuous and consistent efforts are needed to nurture and sustain an inclusive culture in the workplace. This is not limited to being an HR key responsibility area (KRA) but every individual has a role to play. It starts with the leadership, to set an example of appropriate behaviours, showing commitment to an inclusive environment where curiosity harassment is not tolerated."

Awareness and education of employees

Organisations should make sensitisation training a top priority for all staff. "The primary focus must be to explain what curiosity harassment is, as well as demonstrating what it feels like by including real-life scenarios, storytelling approach, or role-playing exercises in them. In this way, employees begin to recognise inappropriate behaviour in context, as well as how it affects colleagues. Integrating messaging around non-tolerance towards curiosity harassment in townhalls, review meetings, and team meetings in visual in-house communication like screen savers, posters, and virtual meeting background, and making it a part of monthly, quarterly and annual reporting and KRAs are some ways in which one can drive positive behaviour changes," says Aron.

Strict guidelines and policies

To prevent curiosity harassment, it is important to pay close attention to the formulation of guidelines by HR departments. "Articulating and documenting communication guidelines, along the employee lifecycle, from entry to exit, at formal and informal touch points becomes a necessary part of increasing awareness on appropriate and inappropriate questions," describes Aron.

She emphasises the need for anti-harassment policies that explicitly address curiosity-driven intrusions which should be communicated to all employees to set clear boundaries and deterrents. There need to be governance processes in place to check and monitor instances of curiosity harassment, just like organisations have mechanisms for disciplinary actions and grievances. Implementation is key so that team members experience an inclusive culture in letter and spirit," shares the expert.

Addressing curiosity harassment in remote or hybrid work environments

The rise of remote and hybrid work models has presented unique challenges for addressing workplace harassment, including curiosity harassment. It may entail remote-work-specific guidelines, among new strategies. Aron recommends, "With more distributed remote and hybrid workspaces, the management of curiosity harassment would probably imply new methodologies tailored to such arrangements. For example, organisations should adapt their training to include virtual activities on how such harassments can be established through video calls or messaging to pinpoint proper digital communication boundaries. Therefore, guidelines for communication should indicate what is allowed in the workplace for discussion during virtual meetings or team chats to ensure that private boundaries are respected."

She concludes by suggesting that team-building activities based on empathy and understanding can help bridge the cultural gaps created by physical distance and help institutionalize a positive culture of respect in virtual environments too.