After two years of swiping online, speed dating events in the city are drawing singles again. Experts decode the new rules of mixers and offer tips for daters to get back in the game
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Two weekends ago, a bunch of 28-odd singles found themselves at a wine tasting in a swish Lower Parel bar. A little nervous, a tad rusty, they sat in groups of four, exchanging awkward smiles. But as the wine flowed, so did the conversations. Sparks flew, friendships blossomed, and by the end of the evening, most of the gang took the party to another pub. In another suburban venue last Friday, daters wore their hearts on their sleeves — singles in white, those in complicated setups dressed in red, and people in relationships turned up in black. Meanwhile, four-legged pooches played wingmen for their single ‘hoomans’ at a Khar pub last Saturday.
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A dance mixer by Tinder
After two years of swiping, texting and video-calling, speed dating and singles’ mixers such as these are back on ground in the city, signalling that singles are ready to mingle in real life (IRL).
Bond over interests
Aahana Dhar, communica-tions director, Tinder, India
We used to do singles’ nights before the pandemic, too, but in the past year and a half, Gen Z has taken the rulebook and ripped it. While online dating saw a massive rise, according to data we collated in 2021, 62 per cent of Gen Z users are looking forward to finally dating in person. Amid the pandemic, the video date feature was widely used in India. But to sustain a connection after video dates, Tinder saw a two-fold increase in mentions of activities like long walks, cycling and pottery class in bios. So, we realised that IRL dating isn’t going out of fashion, with people preferring more unique activity-oriented dates. With 68 per cent of Gen Z members agreeing it’s important that their match has similar interests, we launched Explore, which allows users to navigate through profiles arranged by similar areas of interest. We were sure that this would translate to offline mixers, too. So, we started with a singles’ mixer for sneakerheads. People were mingling, dancing and enjoying themselves because they knew everyone in the room loved sneakers. It made conversations much easier. We’ve started curating mixers based on different interests. There are bachata mixers, movie nights, pet parents’ mixers, and soon we’ll be hosting a queer night in Mumbai, too.
The organic route
Shahzeen Shivdasani, relationship expert and author
I conceived the Singles Lock Up property with creative head Dhanushka Kapadia recently. Two months ago, I curated a lock-and-key event for singles at Café Panama, where men had locks and women had keys, and you had to go around the room looking for the right fit. At our recent event, participants were encouraged to dress according to a colour code of red, black and white based on their relationship. You could come in white [as singles], and leave as black [taken]; we wanted people to step out of their clique in an environment where they could approach each other freely. In the pandemic, dating went online. Many are happy using only apps. But there are also those who look to meet a match organically. There’s still that girl who wants to bump into a guy at a bar, and vice versa.
A fair chance
Tanisha Ghura Kanani, co-founder, Not So Arranged (NSA)
We started NSA last year to bridge the gap between the casualness of dating apps and the more formal, stressful set-up of the matrimonial process. The idea was to take dating offline. Singles feel like they have lost out due to the pandemic. Of course, the popularity of dating apps grew in these two years, and while they work for many, there’s a high turnover of rejection because you’re not giving a person a fair chance. You’re judging them based on a few texts and not on their entire personality. This is why mixers and speed dating events help and are much needed. Our wine-tasting mixer wasn’t like conventional speed dating, where men and women interact one-on-one in a rotating format. It was structured so that everyone gets to meet each other; the wine tasting was an ice-breaker. We also had an age criteria — 32 to 41 years — so the matches are more intentional.
A wine-tasting singles’ event by NSA
Intent matters
I had never been to mixers or speed dating concepts, though I had seen them in movies. The one I attended was different because it was more of a two-on-two group mixer. That took the pressure off and was a relaxed setting. I feel a lot of people signed up on apps in the pandemic, because they had nothing much to do, so the seriousness to be in a relationship in some cases was lacking. In that sense, these events are better because the crowd tends to be curated. People are also paying to sign up so there’s already a serious interest in meeting a match.
Aditya S, 38, advertising professional, who attended NSA’s mixer
Get, set, mingle
. Give your date your fullest attention, suggests Dhar.
. Mixers are designed to help you meet new people. So mingle but make sure you make it a two-way conversation, she adds.
. Women, be approach-able; men ought to be kind and avoid being pushy, Shivdasani advises, adding that one should keep the conversations light.
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