Expert on how to navigate public outbursts by third parties

Britney Spears’ ex-husband was recently arrested for crashing her wedding. Taking cue, an image consultant shares how to react in social and corporate situations when uninvited people threaten to create a scene or upstage you

Major drama unfolded at pop star Britney Spears’ wedding to Sam Asghari recently at their Thousand Oaks home in Los Angeles, when her childhood friend and former husband Jason Alexander gate-crashed the event. In a breach of security, Alexander — to whom Spears was married for just 55 hours in 2004 — got into the couple’s luxury pad, telling the guards that he had been invited. He live-streamed his invasion on social media; he could be heard repeatedly asking, “Where’s Britney?” Alexander was subsequently arrested for trespassing, vandalism and two batteries over his physical altercations with the security. 

As fans all over the world came out in support of Spears, the incident was hailed as a textbook example of upstaging a person’s special day. What do you do when uninvited guests at your party threaten to create a scene, or a colleague goes on an unwarranted public outburst in the middle of a presentation, seminar or office party that’s crucial for you? Image consultant Greeshma Thampi shares how to work around these tricky situations.

1  Don’t react: What we can learn from Spears is the way she did not let the focus of the event shift to her ex-husband. The moment you react or get upset when someone’s creating a scene, the public memory of the event becomes about that incident and that guest, rather than you or 
your special day. 

Invest in security measures; appoint bouncers and party planners to diffuse uncalled-for situations

2 Appoint someone to diffuse the situation: Never get involved in managing the situation yourself, if possible. At work, speak to a colleague or a junior beforehand to back you up or diffuse such tensions; in case of a private party, get a trusted family member or friend to take care of such uninvited guests or attendees creating chaos. Don’t stop doing what you’re there for — be it a function at work or a wedding, so the focus remains on you.

3 Dignity is key: If you have to speak to the individual causing trouble, do it after the party or in case of a corporate setup, after your project or presentation is over. Instead of going around complaining to other colleagues, speak to the individual one on one and let them know that their behaviour was unexpected and unacceptable. If you have to speak to a senior — who has to make a certain decision concerning you based on the event or presentation, you must give them a proper account of what happened. Otherwise, they might hear a different version of the story through grapevine. Remember, your communication shouldn’t sound like a blame game; it should highlight what you bring to the table and what the other person did to disrupt your work.

Greeshma Thampi

4 Amp up security: In case of a high-profile party or a wedding, start with a tight guest list, and appoint a planner or a bouncer to tally each invite with the guest list. Use technology like QR codes on the invites to ensure that only the right people enter the venue. Many guests bring along their guests as well; be clear in your invitation about a plus-one and that they need to RSVP, so you know who is stepping into your home. Roping in a bouncer is necessary to manage unruly folks; or delegate the same to a senior business associate or a family member you can depend on, but plan all this out in advance.

5 Everybody is watching you: The host or the presenter is the captain of the ship, be it a party or an office presentation. People will analyse how you handle such scenarios. If you’re not able to get someone else to deal with the troublemaker, then you must speak to them. Tell them firmly that you weren’t expecting them, that you’re glad they came in, but that your party is restricted to a select few folks. Being polite but not disrespectful displays dignity.

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