As conversation around marriage equality continues to make headlines, we asked moms of LGBTQIA+ individuals to share their hopes for their children
Parental acceptance deeply affects the well-being of LGBTQIA+ youth. Photo courtesy: Deep and Neeta Pathare(extreme left), Simmi Nanda and Ashish Chopra (second from left), Yash and Meenakshi Sharma (second from right), Sarah and Zahara Fernandez (extreme right)
The relationship between Indian parents and their kids is complex, owing to the many societal factors that shape our views, and impact our lives. When it comes to queer individuals, these relationships become even more complicated. Research has proven that LGBTQIA+ youth are much more likely to experience mental health issues in comparison to cis-gender heterosexuals. While parental acceptance of LGBTQIA+ identities is still widely uncommon in India, it severely impacts the wellbeing of their children.
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As conversation around marriage equality reaches breakfast tables across the nation, we asked mothers of LGBTQIA+ youth to share their hopes for their kids.
Simmi Nanda
Simmi Nanda's acceptance journey of Ashish's identity has been long but has deepened their bond. Photo courtesy: Simmi Nanda
Mother of LGBTQIA+ activist and entrepreneur, Ashish Chopra, who identifies as a cis-gender gay man, Simmi Nanda is his biggest supporter. She is also the co-founder and director of BeUnic- a community-driven e-commerce platform by LGBTQIA+ creators and entrepreneurs. The mother-son duo even appeared on Shark Tank, and sparked conversations across India.
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The 56-year-old is a single mother championing the rights of the community today, but when she first found out about her son’s sexuality in 2016 from her sister and niece she was overwhelmed. She recalls, “It was a lot to process at first, and involved a lot of crying from both our ends. I even consulted a psychologist who told me falsely that Ashish can be cured because he is on the spectrum, and can choose to be heterosexual or homosexual.”
The Noida-resident describes her journey of acceptance much like her life, a rollercoaster. Echoing every rainbow parent’s experience in this heteronormative society, her insecurities and fears ran deep regarding the future of her son. “I was afraid Ashish will get fired if his bosses found out,” she tells us. Eventually, with the support of her elder son, Vishesh Chopra, she took the onus on herself to learn about LGBTQIA+. “Till we let go of our misconceptions, and biases we cannot develop an open relationship with our kids. I am happy that I can engage with my son honestly, and also discuss taboo topics including sexuality.”
Today, Nanda has attended pride parades, and drag shows with her son-- experiencing the wide spectrum in all its vibrancy. When asked, what her one hope is, she says promptly, “Now that he is doing well in his professional life, I hope he finds a partner and settles down—I cannot wait to live with them.”
Neeta Pathare
While Deep Pathare is a beauty creator, Neeta Pathare is camera-shy. Photo courtesy: Deep Pathare
Homemaker Neeta Pathare is the mother of beauty creator Deep Pathare. The Thane-resident identifies as a non-binary gay man, and is breaking stereotypes with his incredible talent for makeup and skin care proving that makeup has no gender.
When asked about their parental acceptance journey, the 25-year-old shares, “I never had a ‘coming out’ moment. My parents and family always kind of knew. We did have a conversation about me liking boys and they were taken aback but eventually came around, and are now super comfortable and supportive about it.”
Neeta Pathare’s wish is a simple one, “I wish for Deep to be safe and happy. In all aspects of his life: professionally, emotionally, romantically, and financially. I have always seen Deep be a giver, just like me. I try to very carefully remind him that people don’t know when to stop taking, so you’ve to yourself from giving.”
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Meenakshi Sharma
Attending a Pride Walk made Meenakshi Sharma realise that Yash is not alone, there is vibrant community of people. Photo courtesy: Yash Sharma
New-Delhi resident Meenakshi Sharma is the mother of Yash Sharma, founder of Humans of Queer-- an Instagram page that provides space for queer lived experiences and narratives. Yash Sharma identifies as a genderqueer homosexual and was outed to his mother in 2020 by a relative. The 42-year-old homemaker tells us, “I was surprised at first. I did not know much about LGBTQIA+ identities, but with Yash’s support I eventually came to understand.”
Her first Pride Walk was when she witnessed first-hand the volume of people who were queer like her son. “I was afraid that Yash will be alone, but I was shocked by the number of people I saw that day. It was possibly the first time I felt as if he was not alone, there’s a whole community.”
She concludes by saying, “One hope that I have for my kid is that he would achieve whatever he wants to, and would not be left behind because of his gender identity. His love should not be considered as "different" than others."
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Zahara Fernandez
Zahara has been supportive of her daughter Sarah since the day she came out to her. Photo Courtesy: Sarah Fernandez
“A mother is born at the same time a child is, and as I celebrate this Mother’s Day, the one hope I have for my daughter is the be able to truly live her life with respect and dignity,” says Zahara Fernandez. Mother of 21-year-old Sarah Chriscyl Fernandes who identifies as cis-gender bisexual, Zahara has been an unwavering pillar of support for her daughter who came out to her when she turned 18. “She's never made me feel alone or struggle with my sexuality and has constantly ensured that I am an active member in the organisation and that I contribute to it,” younger Fernandez tells us.
Fernandez, a 42-year-old, speaks with delicate nuance, “As a mother, it is my responsibility to ensure I empower her with education and resources to be independent and live happily, but I do realise I have a dependence on the environment to allow for her to truly thrive. I hope for my daughter to experience inclusivity in her experiences in education institutes and medical care and her everyday experiences with fellow Indians. I hope for her to continue to have the agency to make her choice to love, marry and make important decisions in her life based on her ability rather than societal normalisations. “
The managing director of a top IT and consulting firm concludes by voicing her strongest hope, “As we move forward to the future, I hope my daughter can make decisions for her career and her life not constrained by heteronormativity and is able to live a fulfilling life any place she chooses to.”
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