India needs more tall statues

One of the nice things about the Statue of Unity is its low cost of Rs 2,700 crore, which will easily be recovered within the next quarter of a century or so

I can't imagine life in any city that doesn't have a tall statue of someone marginally famous. It is a sign that the city has no interesting people, or that nothing of importance has taken place there. It's why I am always cheered up by reports of a new statue being commissioned, planned, or inaugurated somewhere within our borders. We should all accept the fact that a country full of statues is the only kind of country worth living in.

Naysayers tend to write off statues as unnecessary expenses. They come up with the usual arguments about how taxpayer money should be used for things like education, healthcare, or hunger instead. They want our government to tackle poverty and malnutrition. They go on and on about the need for safe cities and clean streets, as if a statue gets in the way of those things.

Yes, it is sometimes important to allocate some funds towards tackling issues like malnutrition and infant mortality, but we shouldn't forget the importance of keeping up appearances either. It is only when visitors to our country are confronted by tall statues wherever they go that they can help spread the message of how great we are as a nation.

According to the Global Statistics Report 2021, poverty in India is set to rise. It estimated 150-199 million additional people falling into poverty by the end of 2021 on account of the pandemic, adding to the 7 per cent of our population already living in extreme poverty. It is precisely these dire facts and figures that need to be countered by judicious spending. If the world stops focusing on how poor we are for a few months, the problem may resolve itself on its own. And what better way to distract the world than by a few tastefully constructed statues of successful Indian men and women?

It's not as if we have a shortage of people to celebrate. For a start, I propose that every prime minister should have a statue in every state. This serves two purposes: first, by reminding all Indians that we have a prime minister; second, by showing visitors how much respect we have for those we elect to power. It also boosts morale, because every poor person who comes across these statues will be inspired to behave as selflessly as our politicians always have.

Film stars and cricketers should be honoured with statues too, because everyone knows how important they are to our overall well-being. If it weren't for cinema and cricket, we would all be angry and miserable, which is why their talent needs to be celebrated. These are also the kind of statues that will attract significant numbers of visitors, given how devoted fan followings can be in our country.

I also believe our prominent business barons need statues of their own, because they are the ones who drive this country forward. Yes, a lot of them tend to abscond with our money, but those who choose to stay and buy up our public assets for safekeeping need to be honoured. Handing over our airports, land, and data is one thing, but nothing really shows respect as much as tall statues of themselves outside their private residences.

Most of the world's tall statues happen to be in Asia, which isn't surprising. What is surprising is how India is the only country on that list with the tallest statue of a politician instead of a divine being. It proves that the line between ministers and demigods is as wafer-thin as it always has been here. Another nice thing about the Statue of Unity is its low cost of R2,700 crore, which will easily be recovered within the next quarter of a century or so.

Apparently, the main causes of poverty in India are unemployment, famines, malnutrition, and illiteracy. A government that truly cares about its people will focus on addressing these problems, of course, but will also keep in mind that perception often matters a lot more than anything else. If we keep putting up expensive statues that serve no purpose whatsoever, it shows the world that we are a country with money to burn. It tells the world that we have solved all our problems and are ready to party because we can.

I look forward to an India where every street corner has a statue of some local celebrity, because that is when I will know we can finally be taken seriously by the rest of the world.

When he isn't ranting about all things Mumbai, Lindsay Pereira can be almost sweet. He tweets @lindsaypereira

Send your feedback to mailbag@mid-day.com

The views expressed in this column are the individual's and don't represent those of the paper