How can Ollie get away?

England pacer Ollie Robinson; (right) Australia’s Usman Khawaja celebrates his century against England on Day Two of the Ashes Test at Edgbaston, in Birmingham last Saturday. Pics/Getty Images

Rumour has that Usman Khawaja has insisted that his player of the match award be shared with the ubiquitous and dim-witted Englishman Ollie Robinson. The slow-medium trundler played a key role in tipping the balance of a delicately poised Ashes Test in Australia's favour when he verbally abused the mild-mannered Khawaja and then went on to speak the biggest load of codswallop since….since….probably the last time he spoke in public!

It is unknown yet whether match referee Andy Pycroft will issue Robinson with the fine he so richly deserves but knowing how indebted the Aussies are for his ill-chosen words at the media conference, they might well pass the hat around the dressing room as a mark of gratitude. Giving Khawaja a send-off when he had already made 141 was cowardly enough, but to then attempt to justify it with pathetic excuses about it being part of the theatre of Ashes cricket simply put icing on the cake. The cherry on top was when he doubled down on insults by claiming that the Aussies had three Number 11s. In a deliciously ironic twist, Australia's actual number 11 didn't even need to bat in the second innings because Scott Boland and Nathan Lyon scored 36 between them to secure victory. Oh Bravo Robinson - just what Australians love serving up - humble pie!

Robinson may need to be careful in the future in case what began in the "heat of the moment" (that hoary old chestnut again!!) does not manifest again. His Test debut was marred by the revelations of racist tweets about Muslims in 2012 and this time around, he happened to pick on the mild-mannered and inoffensive Khawaja. Coincidence? As Osamu Tezuka, the Japanese artist once mused, "coincidence doesn't happen a third time".

Uzzie is made of steel

Khawaja is an anomaly. I know him well. He plays at my club - Valleys CC in Brisbane. My son is his teammate and has admired him from within the inner-sanctum. Uzzie is a quiet, gently spoken man with impeccable manners but make no mistake - he is made of steel. As a young Pakistani migrant growing up in Sydney and making his way through the Australian cricket system, by necessity, he is almost immune to cheap sledging. I have witnessed it first-hand and marvelled at his ability to withstand abuse without surrendering his dignity. He is warm at heart and yet ice-cool, the polar opposite to the snarling Robinson, all huff and no puff at less than 130kmh.

Robinson was not the only one though to peddle the tired line about this being The Ashes and therefore all manner of buffoonery should be tolerated. Ex-players from both countries were quick to buy into it, declaring that special allowances should be made for Ashes Tests. To employ the vernacular that Robinson probably favours, that is a complete load of bollocks. The ICC need to take a stand here; if foul language and send-offs are not allowed, it cannot be condoned under any circumstances.

Simply not cricket

There is no place for soft racism in even a macro sense. This may come as a shock to the crumbling British Empire, but no one else in the cricketing world looks upon the Ashes with any special reverence. Colonialism itself has a long and shameful history of foreign governance in ways that in England's green and pleasant lands would be seen as "simply not cricket, old chap" but those grand old days of the Raj are as much an anachronism as not having a sweeper at deep cover in the first over of a Test!

On one hand, England is buzzing about Bazball and its role in the rejuvenation of Test cricket. If it needs Robinson's version of "theatre" to keep the baying masses entertained, it begs the question of why such entertaining cricket needs such a tawdry sideshow. For all England's self-generated hubris, including their defence of Robinson, it may be worth noting that Australia actually scored more fours and sixes, than England. And the most ‘aggressive' of them all was none other than Khawaja. My old grandmother was probably thinking of Robinson when she used to say, "empty vessels make the most noise".

Michael Jeh is a Brisbane-based former first-class cricketer

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