For kidults....

Do you need a listening ear or someone to sound off to? write in to sapna@mid-day.com. She will answer your queries.

Soaprah

GROWING up, I was quite an outdoors person myself. Loved the hustle and the bustle of Breach Candy. Amarsons was quite the shopping spot and Snowmans was where all the cool college kids hung out. My kindergarten was just across the road and while all the other kids sat around doing whatever you're supposed to do in kindergarten (never understood it myself), I would sneak out and cross the big mean road to window shop. The teachers never missed me. Except this one time, I decided to take my brother along for the ride.

They realised we were gone in five seconds and called me ma. Damn it! She came running, actually walking, the woman couldn't run to save her life, with "the evil stick" in her hand.u00a0 She knew where to find me.

Went straight into Amarsons to the shoe section and spotted me trying on a gorgeous pair of heels, a perfect size 38. I was afraid to make eye contact. She put down "the stick," and I sighed with relief. My brother ran to her side crying. Wuss! She looked calm, walked over and grabbed the shoe from my hand. After beating me upside the head with it for five minutes, she proceeded to the cashier and purchased the weapon.

Cool!u00a0

One day I noticed papa's slippers.u00a0 They were big and bulky and so outta style. I picked one up and went by the pollution filled window.u00a0 Staring at the trash outside I saw a bird come my way. It was brown in color.. small and dainty... a sparrow if you will... I quickly hid and let it perch on the sill. I looked at the slipper and "BAAM" ... dead bird splattered everywhere. Luckily for me, ma was at a kitty party. I cleaned up the mess and proceeded to attempt another killing. This time a crow.

Life continued being peachy at Breach Candy till one day I decided to take my curiosity to another level.u00a0 It was surprisingly quiet at home.u00a0 Ma was taking a nap with my both my brothers by her side.u00a0 Grandma/grandpa never bothered anyone. I was enjoying the sights downstairs as usual when I found a kitten. This thing intrigued me. It was cute and did very cute things. I watched it play with a leaf for 10 minutes.
u00a0
After staring at it for a while longer, I picked it up. It nestled in my arms and I felt safe. It was an awkward feeling. I had to investigate. "What was it about this thing that made me feel this way?" I placed it in between the hinges of the kitchen door and slammed it with all I had. The kitten was in two halves and I continued staring at it.u00a0

It was still cute!

Fortunately for me, my killing days ended after the kitten. I grew up into a fine looking feline and had men eating outta my hands at 16. I went to America shortly after and just as I had settled in the land of the free and the home of the brave, I noticed the neighbours kids standing in their yards with a magnifying glass.

"Ahem...what are you fools doing?" "We're gonna torch the entire ant colony lady... watch this..." Sure 'nuff, in the next five minutes a trail of flames ran through the grass and the little brats circled around their kill singing "Deadant Deadant...deadant deadant..." I wished I had "the stick" in my hands to spank them with.
If I ever felt like an adult, this would be it.

There is always one moment in childhood when the door opens and lets the future in.u00a0Deepak Chopra
I am glad that my door did not open during my stupid animal killing spree. As a matter of fact, I am glad my door has not opened at all!

Do you need a listening ear or someone to sound off to? write in to sapna@mid-day.com. She will answer your queries.

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