Finding it hard to balance love, life and work? Experts share helpful tips

Remember that hard-hitting scene from the web series, ‘Little Things', where Dhruv tells Kavya to keep her work outside their ‘us' time? Allowing our work to take precedence over our personal, especially romantic relationships, is a mistake that you, me, and everyone else seem to be doing today.

Yes, our career is important, but why should it come at the cost of our relationship when both can co-exist? There are many couples like Sudha and Narayan Murthy or Michelle and Barack Obama, that are perfect examples of this. They have been successful in both love and career in the most beautiful way.

Sadly, many individuals complain about not being able to make time for their partners due to demanding careers or busy work schedules. Niyatii N Shah, intimacy coach, founder and president, Averti Education and Council of Sex Educators for a Social Change, says, "Most couples that I have come across are not even aware that they are not spending enough time with each other."

Role of romance and intimacy in a committed relationship
Both romance and intimacy are different from each other yet go hand in hand. Shah explains, "Intimacy refers to the emotional closeness and connection between two people. It involves feelings of trust, vulnerability, and deep understanding. Romance, on the other hand, refers to the feeling of excitement, passion, and attraction between two people. It often involves physical gestures, such as holding hands, kissing, or engaging in sexual activity. Romance can also involve creating special moments and memories together, such as planning surprise dates or expressing affection through thoughtful gestures. Both are important to have a fulfilling relationship."

According to the coach, intimacy plays a crucial role, especially for couples who are navigating busy and hectic lives. It helps maintain a sense of emotional connection and closeness, reduces stress, helps stay positive, and increases feelings of happiness despite the challenges of balancing work, family, and other responsibilities.

Mid-day online also spoke to a 24-year-old Goregoan resident who wishes to stay anonymous, about how he manages to strike a balance between career and love life. A cinematographer by profession, this young man recently shifted to Mumbai from his hometown Goa in pursuit of his career. His partner resides in Mumbai. He recently celebrated the completion of their one-and-a-half years of dating by relishing some delectable Asian cuisine over dinner. He says, "So far it has been great. With both me and my partner being busy with our jobs, some days are challenging, but we keep finding ways to make each other feel loved." The cinematographer adds, "I make sure I buy her either a flower or sandwiches and fries when I meet her post work. I believe even a small gesture such as this one makes her happy." On a parting note, the young man says, "we also exchange a lot of ‘I-love-yous' in a day.

Causes leading to romance fizzling out
While the Mumbaikar actively adds a spark to the relationship, it is also true when people say that romance fades out between a couple after a few months into dating. Shah explains the role hormones play during the initial stages of a relationship. She says, "When the relationship is nascent, the brain releases neurotransmitters such as dopamine and serotonin, which are associated with pleasure and reward. These chemicals can create a sense of euphoria and excitement, leading couples to feel deeply attracted to each other. However, as these chemical levels normalise over time, this initial rush of attraction may wane, leading to a less intense emotional connection."

Besides, as couples pretty much discover everything during the first few months of togetherness, the curiosity to know more about each other reduces and a sense of boredom seeps in. Further, responsibilities such as work, family, and other obligations tend to take over a couple's life, leaving them with less time and energy for romance. As couples become more established in their relationship, they may also feel more comfortable prioritising other aspects of their life.

Choosing the easy way out
Maintaining a relationship requires work but often when that fails, people think of it as the end and may opt out of being together. Yoshita Dave, a counselling psychologist, intimacy coach and educator at Meheryash Counselling Consultancy sheds light on individuals choosing the easy and convenient way out. It is an observed trend that couples are choosing to part ways when the relationship does not go their way or becomes inconvenient. Dave explains, "These days everyone looks for instant solutions, and as a result, choose separation instead of resolving issues." Communication, honesty and understanding between partners are vital, she adds. The lack of these usually amounts to lying, doing things behind your partner's back, and even cheating, which ultimately spoils the relationship. She adds, "Partners must keep each other in the loop concerning any part of their professional or personal life no matter how busy they are."

Niyatii N Shah shares tips to practice intimacy and romance for keeping the spark between you are your partner alive:

1. Send your partner a text message/email telling them how much you appreciate them and their hard work.
2. Leave a love note on their pillow or in their lunchbox.
3. Compliment your partner on something they've done well, whether it's a work project or a home-cooked meal.
4. Take care of something that your partner has been dreading, such as making a difficult phone call.
5. Bring your partner a small gift that reminds you of them, such as a book or a piece of jewellery.
6. Surprise your partner with tickets to a concert or a show that they've been wanting to see.
7. Bring your partner their favourite food.
8. Hold hands while walking or driving together.
9. Give your partner a hug or a kiss before leaving for work or when you come home.
10. Take time to share your goals and dreams with each other.
11. Make time to actively listen to each other and show interest in each other's lives.
12. Make sure to prioritise physical intimacy, such as sex and cuddling, even when life gets busy.

Also Read: Why are committed partners seeking extramarital affairs? New survey reveals shocking facts