'I can't get her out of my head...'

Dear Diana

Dear Diana,
I was in a relationship with this girl over a decade ago. We went our ways, but there was no single reason what caused a rift between us. We did not know where we were heading. There was no possibility of a future together as both of us were married. So it was a case of an extramarital affair for the two of us. After about six months, she got cold feet and stopped meeting me. In a fit of anger, I told her to not talk to me. We used to work at the same place. I then decided to switch jobs. After that she did not try to get in touch with me nor did I contact her. It has been 11 years that there has been no communication between us. My problem is that I think of her every single day. There is not a day that I do not wonder what she is up to. At many times, I feel like getting in touch with her, but then refrain. I do not want to cause an upheaval in her life, but how do I get her out of my head?
- Rishabh

Illustration/Uday Mohite

Dear Rishabh,
It has been over a decade that you two called it quits. Time is the greatest healer, but you still seem obsessed with her. The reason being that you did not seek closure. If you had, perhaps you would not pine for her still. You state that you two just drifted apart and you cannot pinpoint a reason. If only you two had sat down and ascertained the reason, things would have been clearer on your front. There is no point getting in touch with her. Refrain from trying to communicate with her even in the weakest moments. Also, most importantly, the two of you are married, so you will be causing havoc in the lives of your respective partners as well. Let her live her life while you need to move on. You are living in the past, it is time you learn to live in the present. This girl is your past, so let her remain there.