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Worried that he is 12 years older

Updated on: 01 July,2022 07:55 AM IST  |  Mumbai
Dr Love | mailbag@mid-day.com

You can explain why it bothers you, point out that disregarding your feelings is a sign of disrespect, and keep calling him out on it until he breaks the habit. It is behaviour that can be unlearned

Worried that he is 12 years older

Illustration/Uday Mohite


My boyfriend is 12 years older than I am, and this makes all my friends concerned because they believe this relationship will become more difficult to manage later. I don’t see any problems because we are perfectly compatible and understand each other well, but they warn me all the time and it makes me apprehensive about the future. I know they mean well, which is why I listen to them. My boyfriend is calm about all this and wants me to do what makes me comfortable, but I can’t shake the feeling that they may be right, and I am setting myself up for misery. What should I do?
Your friends aren’t in this relationship; you are. How you feel about your partner and how the two of you function can only be defined by the two of you. Your friends may mean well and have your best interests at heart, but all they are doing is ignoring your present and speculating about your future, which makes no sense. It’s okay to listen to other opinions and consider other perspectives. It is also important to go with what you know, and how you feel,  and about how you see things evolving based upon the time you spend getting to know each other. No one can evaluate your partner for you, because you are the only one in that unique position. I suggest you spend a little less time worrying about what might happen and focus on making sure your present bond is strong and healthy. You can cross any other bridges when and if you come to them.


How do I get my boyfriend to change his annoying habit of commenting on my friends?
You can explain why it bothers you, point out that disregarding your feelings is a sign of disrespect, and keep calling him out on it until he breaks the habit. It is behaviour that can be unlearned.

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